I am suffering from major lack of sleep. I know, I know, it comes with the territory of being a mother. But my child started sleeping through the night when she was 5 months. She was a great sleeper until she was 10 months, when she got her first UTI. She was a sick little baby, and stopped sleeping through the night. It took her over 2 months to get back to sleeping well at night. For a few months, things were great. Then her molars started coming in. Molars are EVIL. It took 2 months for them to come in. So every night for 2 months we didn't sleep more than 2 hours at a time. It was absolute torture for all of us. Finally the molars were all in, and we've all been getting better sleep for a few weeks now.
This week, we've been sleeping every other night. One night she sleeps perfectly, and we don't hear a peep out of her until 6 or 7am. Then the next night, she's fussy and restless all night long. On nights like that, we put her in the bed with us. We've always done that. I know lots of people don't agree with co-sleeping, and that's okay. It works for us. Its easier on a breastfeeding mama because you don't have to wake up all the way to nurse your baby, just roll into position, she latches on, and you both fall back asleep. When she was younger and came to bed with us, she slept soundly. These days, when she comes to bed with us, she's restless and fitful all night. But if we put her back in her crib she cries, and we are NOT fans of the cry-it-out method. So, we've been getting some nights of good sleep and some nights of....not-so-good sleep.
Wednesday night was one of the not so good nights. I didn't sleep much at all. C wanted to nurse every 2 hours or so, which was drivin me crazy because all evening she wouldn't nurse and kept tellin me that my milk was "gross." Yesterday after work, she tried to say she didn't like milk again, but I kept offering and she nursed, so I figured she'd sleep better that night and leave me alone. Well, I think that would have been the case.
When I picked her up yesterday after work, my mother-in-law told me the mole on C's thigh was red. That night, it was redder and a little swollen, but she acted fine so we didn't think too much of it. She went to bed around her usual time, and I stayed up to watch the Republican National Convention. After that, I was too wired to sleep, so I read a book for a while. Around 12:30 I turned off the light and tried to sleep, but couldn't. Sometime after 1 C started fussing. After a while, DH got up to get her. (He always breaks before I do. I won't let her cry it out, but I do like to wait a little while and see if she goes back to sleep. Sometimes she cries but doesn't actually wake up, and in a few minutes she's fine. DH doesn't like to hear her cry and its hard for him to not go right to her. That sounds like I like to hear her cry. I don't!!) He put her in bed with us and she asked for milk, as usual. But instead of going back to sleep, she became fussier and very restless. This went on for about 30 minutes and she finally just started crying. Hard. I got up and tried to figure out what was wrong with her.
No fever. No snotty/stuffy/funny nose. No cough. The only thing was the mole on her leg was redder and more swollen, and she kept sayin it hurt. Then I noticed she had 2 bites on her, one on her thigh near the mole, and one on her wrist. But they didn't look like typical mosquito bites, they were bigger, redder, and more swollen. And she said they all hurt. Then she was pulling at her throat and told me that hurt, but I looked with a flashlight and didn't see anything. I stayed calm. She was breathing, and acting okay otherwise, so I decided to take the wait and see approach. She finally went back to sleep around 3am, and I did, too, but she was restless the rest of the night.
This morning, she seemed better, but her leg still was red and swollen and she didn't like me touching it. When I took her shirt off I noticed more red spots on the back of her neck, but no bumps. Very strange. I called the doctor and got an appointment for later today. I'm not the type to panic and bring my child in at the drop of a hat, but this is too weird. She's had plenty of mosquito bites before and they have never kept her up crying at night like that. So I am a little concerned. Hopefully its nothing!!
I try really hard to always be a patient, loving mama to my baby girl. Its not always easy. Sometimes I want to yell at her or get mad. Before I realized her leg was swollen last night, I kept praying over and over for patience. I was so tired and just didn't see a reason why she was crying. I know that getting upset myself and acting resentful to her for keeping me awake just makes it worse on her. She doesn't understand. And I know I can't be patient and loving on my own, not in times like that. That was totally God workin on me. With His help, I managed to stay calm last night and just kept talkin to C in a quiet, soothing voice. I talked her to sleep. I tried singing, which she usually likes, but she said no singing last night. So I just talked quietly. But I couldn't have done it if I hadn't prayed for it first.
That just reinforces in my mind that I need to constantly pray to God. I constantly need His help, all day, every day. And all night, apparently! As long as I remember that, I'll be okay. Its when I try to take things into my own hands that I have problems. I cannot do things by myself, with with Christ I can do anything!
My favorite Bible verse is Psalm 121. It has gotten me through some tough times in my life. Not that a sleepless night and a fussy baby qualifies as a "tough time," but this verse applies to any time I need help.
I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help.
My help cometh from the LORD, which made heaven and earth.
He will not suffer thy foot to be moved: he that keepeth thee will not slumber.
Behold, he that keepeth Israel shall neither slumber nor sleep.
The LORD is thy keeper: the LORD is thy shade upon thy right hand.
The sun shall not smite thee by day, nor the moon by night.
The LORD shall preserve thee from all evil: he shall preserve thy soul.
The LORD shall preserve thy going out and thy coming in from this time forth, and even for evermore.