Changes

I have intentionally not blogged most of this month. If you've been reading my blog since I started it last summer, then you know I go back and forth on my feelings of blogging - mainly who am I to think my life is interesting enough to blog about? and I definitely don't have everything together, why should I be blogging like I do?? And so forth. So when I started this thing I anticipated that occasionally I'd get upset with it and take a break. I felt like I was being a little too negative in my last few posts. But when I went back and read some older posts, I go the impression that my life is absolutely perfect, and that is certainly not the case! I guess I have a hard time finding a happy medium.

These past few weeks of no blogging have allowed me to think about if I really want to continue or not. And the answer is yes. Although I have decided to shift my way of thinking about this blog. At first, I was trying to be like bloggers that I admire and only post about upbeat, happy things, and my successes in the kitchen and around the house (though I have included some kitchen failures!). I realized, though, that that way of blogging is way too stressful for me. Maybe if this was my full-time job it would be different. I placed a lot of pressure on myself to blog regularly and make sure the content was interesting and positive and wouldn't step on anyone's toes (though my posts on NFP might do just that, haha). I still can't figure out why I placed all that pressure on myself. Its not like I have a ton of readers/followers. It was all me! And I realized that I wasn't enjoying my blog as much as I did.

So I'm getting back to the basics, so to speak. This blog is for me and my enjoyment. I want it to document my life - the good and the bad - so I can look back years from now and remember things, little details that are so precious to life. So I am going to stop thinking so much about what everyone else wants to read and focus on what I want to record. I understand that may mean I'll never have a huge following - that's okay. I actually considered making this blog totally private, so it would become an online journal for me. But I decided against doing that at this time. I enjoy the few comments I get too much. ( :

If you're still sticking around after my proclamation of being utterly selfish on my blog (lol), thanks! Maybe you will find a little enjoyment through reading things that are important to me. And if you've decided to never darken the doorway to this blog (so to speak) again, sorry. The older I get the more I learn that I simply cannot please everyone. And while I don't think I have a right to be happier than anyone else, I have learned that I have to make sure I'm happy, too. Does that even make sense? I turned 30 recently and while I don't feel any different at all, I have been tending to be more philosophical lately, and I've really been reflecting on what's important to me, and adjusting my life accordingly. Stay tuned (if you want! haha). ( :

me on my 30th birthday ( :

Frustration. Guilt. Stress. Grief.

Heavy title, huh? Well, those are just some of the emotions I've been dealing with this week. I know most people (myself included) try to keep blog topics upbeat, sharing only the good and positive things. But let's be real. Life is full of not-so-good stuff. Its not rainbows and unicorns all the time. I struggle with the fine line between being an honest blogger and not being too personal here. The key word there was struggle. I struggle a lot. In every aspect of my life. I'm not ashamed to admit that. I am imperfect and a sinner and I fully recognize that. Lucky for me (and you!), God loves me (and you!) anyway. I don't have to be perfect and I don't have to have it all together. Whew.

 This week has been a tough one for me and my family. My uncle passed away on Saturday. We knew it was coming. The doctor told us on Wednesday that he would not make it through the weekend. He was diagnosed with Stage 3 lunch cancer last fall, and it has been very aggressive. There simply wasn't anything else the doctors could do to fight it. I went to see my uncle several times while he was in the hospital this last time, but not as often as I would have liked. I honestly thought he'd be able to leave and die at home. I thought the doctor was wrong, and that he wouldn't die that quickly. My husband and I went to see him on Friday night and his breathing was better than it had been in days. I told DH that there's no way it would be that weekend. Obviously, I was wrong.

I got the call from one of my cousins around 2pm Saturday that he had passed. Apparently, the whole family besides me knew that my uncle had taken a turn for the worse that morning. Most of the family was at the hospital, waiting. I had no idea, because no one called me. I knew that someone would call me when things changed, so since I hadn't heard from anyone, assumed everything was the same. My friend and I took our babies to have Easter pictures made. We were gone all morning, then ate lunch and had planned to go to the church for the Easter egg hunt. I got the call when we were on the way to the church. So I turned around and went back home. My sister-in-law came and took C to the egg hunt, and my friend went home. I went to the hospital. I knew there was nothing I could do at that point, but I wanted to be with my family.

I was upset that no one had called me. I could have been there with them, said goodbye to my uncle. At the same time, I understood why no one called me. They were all stressed out and already grieving. Several of them assumed someone else had alerted me. My aunt's boyfriend (not the wife of the uncle who died!) told me that my uncle would have wanted me to have a normal day, he wouldn't have wanted us all at the hospital watching him die. Which is true. But still. I wish I had known. But its not like I could have been mad at the family during that time. Even though we all knew he was going to die, and soon, it was still hard to watch.

My aunt (his wife) completely lost it when he finally died. They were taking her out of the hospital in a wheelchair when I got there. It was heartbreaking to see. For the rest of the day, she could remember nothing. Her mind completely blocked out her husband's sickness and passing. She kept asking over and over what had happened. Thankfully, she snapped out of that after she got some rest. Though watching her grieve through the funeral was not easy. I can't imagine how it feels to bury your husband of 51 years.

We all stayed at the hospital for a while after my aunt left, I'm not sure why. I got upset when I went in to see my uncle. He looked terrible. Completely different than he had just the night before. It was shocking. But I left his room and we were all talking and I was getting the details from the day, and the sadness just wasn't hitting me. My cousin and I actually went shopping afterwards. I bought a dress, a shirt, and a pair of shoes. I kept thinking how odd it was to be buying clothes when my uncle just died. But it felt okay. I think my cousin and I needed that distance for a little while.

That night, the family at at the church (my home church). Everyone was subdued, but we had several small children there, so they kept the mood lighter than it would have probably been otherwise. Most of my family decided not to go to church on Easter. My husband and I attend a different church now, so we went. I hate to admit it, but I couldn't even tell you what our pastor preached on that morning. C was quiet, but she wouldn't be still, and then at the end of the service she started inexplicably (and quietly) crying, so I had to take her outside. I kept thinking about my uncle's death and I just couldn't concentrate.

C in her Easter dress

After church, we went back to the church to eat lunch with my family. Everyone was in good spirits that time, and after we ate we had an indoor egg hunt for the kids. They had a blast. By the time we left, the toddlers were all having meltdowns because it was past nap time. C fell asleep soon after we got home, but wouldn't let me lay her down. So I decided to lay on the couch with her. She didn't like that idea, either. She started moving all around, kicking me, and just would not be still. At that point, I was exhausted and just needed a break. After a while, I sat her down and told her to go play, and I rolled over and closed my eyes for a few minutes. I got up and started helping DH prepare some food for supper, but nothing was going right. The next thing I knew, I was bawling. I guess my uncle's death finally hit me. I sat on our bed and just cried and cried. C was so sweet; she kept getting closer to me, handing me tissues, and asking me what was wrong. I had already explained to her that my uncle had gone to Heaven, but of course she doesn't understand that concept yet. I told her he's not sick anymore and that he's with Jesus. She asked if she could go live with Jesus in Heaven, too. Yes, I told her, one day you will.

The rest of Easter turned out okay. There was another incident that was pretty stressful, but I won't go into details on that one. By the time we got to my in-law's house, I was about done for the day. My eyes were getting red and by the end of the night I looked like a freaky vampire. (I've been wearing my glasses ever since and I hate wearing glasses!) Thankfully, I got some good sleep that night and felt better Monday morning.

I left work Monday early because we were supposed to eat at the church at 5 and then head over to the funeral home for my uncle's wake. That wasn't sad like you'd think. There was so many people there and everyone was loud, so it was hard to be sad, even with my uncle's body right there beside us. We were supposed to greet people from 7-9pm, but they started coming in at 6:30 and didn't stop until 10. It was exhausting.

Tuesday was the funeral. I didn't go to work at all. We had lunch at the church, and went back for supper. The funeral was tough. Us cousins couldn't sit with the family because the private room was too small, so thankfully I didn't have to watch my aunt's grief or that of her sons, but I still broke down. I rarely cry in front of anyone other than my husband, so that was tough for me. I have virtually no memories of my uncle (or most of my childhood, actually), so I was surprised at myself for being so upset. There's a little of that guilt I mentioned in the title to this post. Why can't I remember more about my uncle? I grew up living next to him and spent a lot of time at his house. I had a wonderful childhood; why on earth have I apparently blocked so much of it out??

By Wednesday, life was back to normal. We've stayed home the past two nights, and I imagine we won't be going anywhere tonight, either. Its good to stay home with just my husband and my daughter.

Here's some more guilt. C has been nursing a lot lately. She had been down to just nursing herself to sleep, and maybe first thing in the morning. But the past few weeks, she's been asking for milk all the time. When I ask her why, she says "because I hungry!" or she'll just smile and tell me she needs it. So far, my policy on breastfeeding her at this age has been "don't ask, don't refuse." Meaning, I don't offer her the breast, but if she asks for it I don't refuse. I'm kinda ready for her to wean, but I want it to be her idea, not mine. Sometimes, I'm able to put her off for a little while ("you can have milk after your bath, or after we do ___"), but most of the time she gets too upset if I tell her to wait. I know some of that if her bein a 2 year old and just not liking when things don't go her way, but what if she really needs something that only breastfeeding can provide? Not the actual milk. I know that she can survive just fine without it at this point. I'm sure its still giving her extra nutrients and filling in the gaps of her toddler diet, and I know my milk is still giving her important antibodies to fight off sicknesses. I firmly believe that her eczema/allergies would be much, much worse if it weren't for breastfeeding. But she gets other benefits from breastfeeding at this age. Benefits that are hard to put into words. She feels safe at my breast; its her home base, her safe place. She gets comfort there. People say she's too old for that now, but I disagree.

Last night, someone posted on facebook in a private group that I'm a member of (a group for "extended" breastfeeding mothers) that her toddler was suddenly wanting to nurse way more than normal. This mama also has a newborn. Someone else replied that the mama was probably spending so much time with the newborn that the toddler needed some one-on-one time and missed the cuddling that she got from breastfeeding, so she decided to "need" it all the time again. That hit me because what if that is my C? Obviously, I don't have another baby to worry about, but what if she's needing more of my time right now? And I'm not there to give it to her, because I'm at work all day. She's away from me for 9 hours, every week day. I miss a lot of her life. She gets a ton of attention from my in-laws, but what if she needs it from her mama?

I know there's no point in beating myself up over something I can't change. But the guilt is still there. That would explain why she's nursing so frequently lately. She could also be going through a growth spurt, who knows. (She did grow 1.5 inches since December, so she's had a growth spurt at some point recently!) This morning when I dropped her off she kept saying she didn't want me to leave. She wasn't whining about it, she just stated the fact. Then she told me to be careful cause there are a lot of cars out there. And she made me promise to come back this afternoon. (I hate making that promise, because what if something happens to me and I don't make it home??) It broke my heart. So yes, I have guilt over leaving her every day.

And there you have it. All (well, not all, but a lot) of the emotions I've been dealing with this week. Its been a struggle, for sure. I've been praying a lot, reading from the Bible, asking God for help and strength and patience. Because what else can I do?? I know that He is with me and that I am not going through all this alone, though. That fact does make it easier. I also know that this tough period won't last forever - at least, I pray it doesn't!!

Being A Help Meet For Your Husband: Initial Thoughts

In January I was introduced to a book that turned out to be life-changing for me. I've mentioned it several times since then, but haven't felt quite ready to really talk about it yet. I plan to read the book again, but haven't made the time to do it yet, though I think about it almost daily - that's how much of an impact its made on me!

The book is called Created To Be His Help Meet: Discover How God Can Make Your Marriage Glorious by Debi Pearl. I bought it for my Kindle, but you can get it in paper form, as well. One of the many blogs I follow, Baby Chaser, posted at the beginning of this year about how she enjoys mentoring other couples in their marriages. In her post, she talked about how she mentored a friend and gave her this book to read. This blogger is always going on about her "Beloved" (her husband) and how she's always bending over backwards (it seems to me) to please him. I really enjoy her blog and have always thought she had some great ideas. But all this "Beloved" talk was so strange to me. Even though I thought her ideas towards marriage were old-fashioned/impractical/what-have-you, something about that one post called to me. I firmly believe that God speaks to us in all sorts of manners, and I do believe that He uses technology these days! My point is, I felt like God was pointing me to that particular post, which talked about this particular book. Like He was telling me to read this book.

I'll admit, I was very skeptical at first. I'm human; I'm hesitant to really open myself up to Him and let Him in. Sometimes He has to almost hit me over the head with something and make me listen. I downloaded a free sample to my Kindle and didn't touch it for several days. Okay, God, its on my Kindle, I'll get to it eventually. See? I did it. But that wasn't good enough for Him. He kept putting his on my heart and on my mind, so finally I gave in and started reading. I was hooked from the Table of Contents. Seriously. I could tell just by glancing at chapter titles that this was a book HE wanted me to read, and read NOW.

Here's a sample of chapter titles: "So He Isn't Mr. Right;" "The Queen of His Heart;" "Make Love Fun;" "God's Blueprint for Marriage;" "Practice Makes 'Awful' Perfectly Awful;" "Three Kinds of Men;" "God Made Them That Way;" "Marriage Made in Heaven;" "Eve Has Many Sisters;" "How To Be A Good Wife Today;" "I'm About To Have A Nervous Breakdown;" "Raising Cows or Kids;" "The Wife Does Make a Difference;" "Is There Hope Yet?" Get the idea? This book covers a lot of topics and issues. As I was reading, I kept coming up with questions, and Mrs. Pearl answered all my questions before the book was over.

Before I go any further, let me just say that I have been praying for a really long time for God to work in my marriage. I love my dear husband with all my heart, but I knew our marriage was not where it needed to be. I prayed and prayed for God to change it, to change me. I didn't know exactly what I was praying for, I just knew things needed to be different. I knew that somehow, God wanted more for us. (My marriage is still not there yet, and I know that it will be a constant work-in-progress, just like anything worth having in life. But it is better by leaps and bounds, I will tell you!)

I will also say that my husband is a good man. He does not abuse me, he would never cheat on me, he does not watch pornography or do anything else that is morally wrong. He loves me and he loves our daughter, and I know he'd lay down his life for either of us. He's a good man, plain and simple. So its not like I started reading this book hoping for help with dealing with an abusive mate or needing to know how to love him even though he loves porn. I feel for women out there who are dealing with situations like that. My marriage is just a typical marriage, we have typical, normal problems, but nothing that is a "deal breaker."

We love each other, but for a few years now I've felt like I wasn't doing quite enough in my role as wife. There was something out there that was just beyond my reach. I didn't even know what it was, I just knew it was out there. I know now that was God talking to me. He has been (and still is) patiently guiding me to where I need to be. (I'm sure now He's like whew! Finally! She's on the right track! haha)

Before DH and I got married, we were required to attend some premarital counseling with both our preachers (they both married us). I remember we went to those sessions thinking what a waste of time it was. Obviously, we knew each other pretty well, or we wouldn't be getting married! We each knew where the other stood on the important issues, and even most of the unimportant ones. I wish now we had really taken that opportunity to learn more about what it really means to be married. Our counseling sessions didn't turn up anything that was alarming to either of us. The preachers did try to make sure we knew what we were getting into, but we just nodded and smiled and thought that nothing would ever happen to us, we loved each other and that was enough. I'm sure lots of couples go into marriage thinking that.

Photo from our wedding day. EL Photography

 But marriage is hard. If you want to be successful at it, you have to work at it every single day. Its easy to be stubborn and selfish and unloving, and do things your way and pay no regard to your spouse's feelings. That's human nature. Its my nature, at least. I was always told to guard my heart, make sure my spouse loved me more than I loved him because you just never know what can happen. But that is wrong. That's not what God wants for us in marriage at all. Marriage is a constant give and take, and in a marriage both spouses should be equals. And ultimately (and this was the life-changing part for me, because I had never thought about it this way), marriages should glorify God.

So let's get back to the book. Mrs. Pearl reminds us of what the Bible says in Genesis 2:18, 21-22:

"And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him... And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam... and he took one of his ribs... And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man." 

Right there, God tells us women that we are to be help meets for our husbands. Exactly what that phrase means is the question, and we'll get to that. I love how God tells us that he made woman from Adam's rib - a part of his body that is at his side. Woman wasn't made from something on Adam's back, so she would stand behind him, or something from his front, so she would stand ahead of him. Woman was created to walk by man's side, to be his equal. God didn't want Adam to be alone, he wanted him to have a partner to walk this earth with, someone to help him. Proverbs 18:22 says, "Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord." 

All these great verses in scripture have been right there for me my whole life, but no one has ever put them all together and explained them to me in a way that it clicked with me.

"For the man is not of the woman; but the woman of the man. Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man." (1 Corinthians 11:8-9) God wants a wife to be a helper for her husband, plain and simple. Not the other way around. I know what you're thinking, because I thought the same thing: so I'm supposed to bow down to my husband and let him reign over me??! Nope, we'll get to that in a minute. God also made sure to tell husbands how they should treat their wives. And while we're talking about our husbands, I bet you're also thinking "does my husband deserve for me to treat him like a King?! No, he probably doesn't. Christ died for our sins; did any of us deserve for him to do that for us??! NO! We don't deserve anything He has given to us, not a thing. My husband is a sinner, just like me. It doesn't matter that he doesn't deserve for me to treat him with respect or be submissive to him, because its my calling to do so. This is what I was created for: to be my husband's helper (just as he was created to be a helper for the Lord).

I don't know about you, but to me this was pretty mind-blowing.

As my preacher says, but let's look further! ( :

God has given us a blueprint for marriage, as Mrs. Pearl says in the book. Check out these verses:

"Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the savior of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything." (Ephesians 5:22-24). 

"Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord." (Colossians 3:18)

"But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God." (1 Corinthians 11:3)

"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her... He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does for the church. ...each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband." (Ephesians 25, 28, 29, 33)

So yes, we as wives are called to submit to our husbands, but husbands are also to love their wives just as Christ loves the church. That's a pretty amazing love. Think of what Christ did for His church. He gave us everything. Husbands are supposed to love their wives with that kind of love. Not because we deserve to be loved like that (because we don't), but because that's what God meant for husbands to do. Just like he meant for us wives to submit to our husbands. See what I mean about marriage being a give and take? You can't just expect your husband to "give himself up for you" if you're not also submitting to him. Its a two-way street.

Mrs. Pearl does a much better job of explaining all this in her book, so I would encourage everyone to go buy it and read it. I am not affiliated with her ministry in any way, and I get nothing if you purchase her book. But it has had such an impact on me that I can't help but tell others about it.

Here's another point that Mrs. Pearl made that really impacted me: when we honor our husbands and submit to them (and basically just be the woman and wife that God made us to be), we are honoring God as well. I have never thought about it like that. Conversely, if we are not honoring our husbands and not being submissive, we are dishonoring God. Woah. That is not what I want at all! I want to honor God in all that I do.

So for me, even though it goes against everything I've heard my entire life, even if its incredibly hard for me to be submissive and respectful, I will strive to be that woman, just so I can honor God. I want to be a Proverbs 31 woman (see Proverbs 31:10-31). And I know that I may not ever be rewarded for my efforts in this life. That's okay, because I know God will reward me in Heaven, and that's all that matters. I was put on this life for a purpose, and my purpose is to bring honor to my God (that's everyone's purpose!). Being my husband's help meet brings honor to God, so I have to strive to be that.

I have tons more to say on this topic, but I am going to close this post now so that it doesn't get too long. I would love to hear your ideas and thoughts on this topic of being a help meet to your husband! Is your initial reaction just like mine was? Is this idea nothing new to you? Are you going to read the book, and if you have read it, was it as life-changing for you as it was for me? I think I'll turn this into a series of sort on my blog, since it is something I could go on and on about. So stay tuned for Part 2, where I'll get more into exactly what being a help meet means. This is gonna turn into a full-fledged study of Mrs. Pearl's book! ( :

Confessions

 I have stayed away from blogging this week on purpose. I have a wonderful life that is full of blessings (I am extremely rich, and I don't mean in a monetary way!), but occasionally I get bogged down and discouraged by life. I'm sure everyone feels that way sometimes. Nothing major even has to happen, its just some mornings I wake up and feel like a complete failure, like I can't do anything right. Please tell me I'm not alone in these feelings!

Sometimes this "funk" lasts for days. I try to remember that God hasn't forgotten about me, that He still loves me no matter what and is there for me. But sometimes I am weak. I give in to the "funk" and let myself be in a foul mood and think negative thoughts. And then, He always does something to open my eyes to my sin, something that lifts me right out of the funk and back into His arms.

Its normally nothing big. Actually, sometimes I have to be looking really hard to see His hand at work! Then sometimes He'll practically slap me in the face with it.

Lately, He's been speaking to me through books. Last month, He led me to read a book that was life-changing. I'm working on a post about it, but it was so profound to me and has impacted me so deeply that I find I have a hard time putting my thoughts into written words. I want to make sure I have it right in my head before I put it to paper (er, computer).

This month, God has led me to another book. Actually, I was supposed to finish it last month (its part of the book club I'm participating in this year). But I had some days of the "funk" and I resisted reading what He laid in front of me. I knew it was for my own good, but I resisted anyway.

The other night, I decided to try to crawl out of the funk and I made myself read from this book again. Wow. Its like it was written for me, at this moment in my life. Again, I can't say much about it because I need to sort it out in my head first. I haven't finished the book yet anyway. But, thank GOD, I am out of the funk once again. As always, God was there for me and pulled me through.

You'd think eventually that wouldn't be necessary, that I'd learn not to let myself get to that point, huh? But no, I know I will always need Him to help me. I am weak and I am a sinner. But He has proven that with Him I can be anything. ( :

So I was avoiding blogging because I thought to myself, why blog about all these happy things when I don't feel happy right now? When I don't have everything together or figured out? Well, that's kind of the point of blogging for me. I don't have it all figured out. I don't have it all together. I'm working on it. I might not ever get there, but I am a work in progress. I've decided I don't need to have it together to be a blogger. I can be imperfect (human) and still blog about my life. And maybe this is better, because now I can share the story of how God works on me and in my life to make me more what He wants me to be.

Hopefully soon I'll have a chance to sort out my thoughts on these two books so that I can blog about them. I also have a long list of projects I want to tackle around the house. In the meantime, here's a picture that my husband took last night. C wanted to help me wash dishes. I let her rinse the easy items. ( :

Ain't she cute in her big girl panties? Potty training is going really well!!! ( :

Quick Update

Blogging is not as easy as I thought!! When I decided to start this thing last summer, I assumed it would be super easy to always have something to blog about. I do have a ton of ideas, but I never have time to sit down and type! And then when I do have a few minutes, my mind goes blank. I really need to start a list or something of blogging ideas. Maybe one day I'll get it together and really make this blog something, because I do enjoy what little I am able to blog. ( :

Until then, anyone who might actually read this thing will just have to wait patiently! Patience is a virtue, you know. (hahaha)

We have been super busy lately. But what else is new, right? There's rarely a dull moment in my house! Last weekend was awesome. My friend came down Saturday and we rode horses. I wish I could do that every weekend! Then on Sunday, DH, C, and I packed up and headed to the coast again for the day. Well, sort of the coast - Pamlico River. I'll post about that trip later this week. I foresee more trips to that place in our future!

How am I doing on my New Year's Resolutions, you ask? (Didn't someone, somewhere wonder that? hehe) Well, hmm. Not so great. I haven't made a budget yet, I haven't started paying more towards my student loans yet, I haven't even started meal planning yet. I just haven't had the time to sit down and figure everything out. We don't stay home long enough, haha. To my knowledge, nothing is going on this weekend, so I should have a little time to make some plans. That's my hope, at least.

I have so many ideas swirling around in my head, ideas that may never become anything real. But that's okay. Inspiration is good. One thing I am going to try possibly tonight is rosemary bread in my bread machine. I've never had rosemary bread so I'm not sure exactly what it'll taste like, but it sounds delicious. I'm on a kick of trying new recipes. One night this week I made a Spam casserole. It was delicious! Even DH liked it. I'll have to post that one, though I didn't take a picture (it really didn't look very appetizing at all).

I am also reading a new book. I'm almost done with it, and when I finish I plan on writing a review of it here. Its an awesome book and has already changed my life. I know that sounds ridiculous and corny, but its true. I want to finish it before I say anything more about it, though.

I did decide on one final New Years Resolution. I want to get closer to God. You know, have less world and more WORD. I downloaded a Bible in One Year app to my iPhone and absolutely love it. I'll blog about it soon, too. (Hey, am I making a blogging list here?? haha) Every day, I read verses from Psalms or Proverbs, the Old Testament, and the New Testament, and then the author or the app has a commentary/devotional on the passages. I try to read the verses every morning before I get out of bed, but sometimes I have to do it later in the day. So far, I'm still on track!

To further accomplish my new goal, I am participating in a women's book club though my friend's church. My friend lives over and hour away, so I won't actually be able to attend the bi-monthly meetings, but they are working on letting me listen in via Skype. Either way, I'll read along with them, and my friend will fill me in on the meetings. We'll be reading one book a month. I haven't started yet, since I wanted to finish this other book first, but the list of books sounds amazing! I can't wait to get started. Oh, if only I had a few more hours in a day to accomplish all the reading and other tasks I want to do!

Look for more posts from me soon, all these ideas in my head need to get out! ( :

Christmas card display

I follow a lot of blogs faithfully. I'm not big on commenting (which I have vowed to be better about - and I really have gotten better at it), but I'm a major lurker. ( :  I absolutely love looking at my reading list and seeing what new things bloggers have to say. I wish I could remember which blog I got this idea from, but I am sad to say I've forgotten. Probably I Heart Organizing. I get a lot of inspiration from her!

Anyway, some time last week I saw a post about creative ways to display Christmas cards. Normally, I just set mine up along the mantel and around the bookshelves on either side of the mantel. Which works just fine, though it does tend to make the living room look pretty cluttered. So this year I decided to try somethin different.

My inspiration was from a blogger who hung a piece of red ribbon down the front of a door and attached her cards to it with clothespins. I thought it was a really cute idea, but I don't have any doors that I keep shut that are in the living area of our house. And I wanted to be able to see all our cards when we are in the living room, which is where we spend most of our time. So I adapted the idea for our living room!

And once again blogger has so nicely rotated my picture for me and won't let me fix it. :( 

But hopefully you get the idea. You can't see it, but I had some leftover gold ribbon that I hung using a command hook thingy, and used clothespins to hang up the cards. DH was looking at me like I was crazy while I was setting everything up, but even he liked it when I was done. I'm pretty pleased with my little project. It took about 10 minutes and cost nothing since I already had what I needed on hand. If we get any more cards, though, I'll have to start another ribbon on the other side of the living room!

My fall resolutions

What? People make New Years' Resolutions, why can't I make ones for fall? ( :

Actually, I never make resolutions in January because I found that I never kept them and was always disappointed in myself later in the year when I realized that I hadn't done anything I said I would do. But every once in a while, I make "mini-resolutions" to improve myself and my life. Those are infinately more easy for me to stick to. Maybe the pressure of starting a new year and new things to do is just too overwhelming to me. Who knows.

Earlier this year (in February, not January), I resolved to work on making the house more organized. Its not happening overnight, but I am making progress. My first project was to work on our bedroom closet. That was before I started this blog, so I don't have documentation. But I went through all the clothes in there (mine and DH's) and donated everything we don't wear regularly. (Maybe I shouldn't say "regularly" because there is still a ton of clothes in there, and there is no WAY we wear all that on a regular basis. But I do occasionally go through the clothes again and donate more.) I organized my shoes and all the shoe boxes that I hoard. (Its a sickness, I guess! But you never know when you'll need a shoe box...!) I organized our kitchen cabinets and pantry. I decluttered in our bedroom. I even got rid of our bulky kitchen table and bought a smaller one that better suits our space (not really an organization project, but it makes the kitchen/dining room look so much bigger and neater). Then I organized the medicine cabinet. I also resolved earlier this year to start cooking more. Before that, DH did practically all the cooking. But I decided it was my job, too, and I dove in to the world of cooking. I'm not great at it, but I try really hard! And I know my husband appreciates the effort, even if it doesn't always turn out so good. ( :

Maybe that's not such a long list considering I began this journey almost 9 months ago. But I am pleased with my progress and proud of myself for actually doing it. If you know me personally, you understand why these little things are such a big deal to me. I'm very much a "go with the flow" type of gal, and I don't get too worked up over things like an unorganized medicine cabinet. All these changes take huge efforts on my part. So I'm excited to see what else I tackle and change around the house.

I follow several blogs, and many of them are taking part in an October challenge in which they post every day this month and all the posts are related to a certain topic. I am thoroughly enjoying them all! I knew I wouldn't be able to keep up with a daily blogging challenge at this point in my life, so I didn't even try to jump on that bandwagon, but my metaphorical hat goes off to you ladies who are keeping it up!

One of the blogs, Our Front Porch View, is doing 31 days to a more intentional life. I love that topic, but I can't imagine how hard it is for her to come up with a new topic daily! She has really opened my eyes to some things I need to work on in my life. I don't have it all sorted out in my head just yet, so I can't write about it, but I know the gist of what I want to see change in my life.

I want to make more memories with my daughter. I have a tendency to come up with ideas or buy craft supplies and then save them for "later" or a rainy day. And then "later" comes or we get a rainy day, and I don't do it. Like carving a pumpkin. She's old enough now to enjoy that, but I keep putting it off. Saturday we WILL carve a pumpkin together!!

Last night, DH and I took C down the road to our neighbor's farm to see his donkeys. We live on a farm, too, but we don't have donkeys. We can hear them all the time when we're playing in our yard, and C has been asking about them for a while now. DH and I always tell her "one day" we'll go see the donkeys. Well, yesterday after work, C and I were playing outside and she heard a donkey and asked where it was. I found DH and told him we needed to go see it, and we did. C loved it! That's the kind of thing I want to do more of. She's only going to be little once, and I don't want to regret not doing more with her.

Another thing I am resolving to do is find time to ride my horses more. Horses used to be my entire life, and I've lost that part of myself since becoming a mother. I know most women lose part of their former selves when they have a child, but I again, I don't want to look back with regret. Right now, I only ride every once in a while. Though when I get the chance to ride, I make the most of it and enjoy every minute. I never feel more at home than when I'm in the saddle (or bareback!)!. A while back, I decided to try getting up super early and riding some mornings before work. I did it one day and wasn't able to do it anymore. I want to try again. I'm not sure how it will work since the time is about to change, and I don't know what time it will be light enough to ride. But I'm hoping that it will work out. The time changes in just a few weeks, so I plan to start then. I think riding more often will make me feel so much better, and I'll be happier. And everyone knows a happier mama makes a happier home!

I'm also resolving to quit being a "lurker" in the blog world. All those blogs I follow, and I have never posted a comment on most of them! I don't have much of a following here (yet), so I know how it feels not to get comments. If I read a blog post and have a reaction to it, I am going to start commenting. It only takes a few seconds. I already started that one today. I commented on several posts. ( :

I also vow to spend more time with God. Reading His Word, I mean. I'm hoping to find an App for daily devotionals, since I know if its on my phone I'll be more inclined to read it. I downloaded an App last week, but I haven't been good about reading it because I don't care for the tone of the devotionals I read. So I'm taking suggestions for daily devotional apps!

There are several other things floating around in my mind, but this is all I'm really committing to for now. Baby steps, right? ( :

To Be Or Not To Be?

For 2 weeks now I've been debating whether to continue this blog or not. I've only just begun, I know, but really, who am I to give other people tips on living crunchy, or any other way for that matter? My life is far from perfect. I am far from perfect. Then I remembered that the authors of all those blogs I follow are not perfect, either.

None of us have it all together, not really.

People who blog are just sharing what works for them. They're not (well, most of them are not) trying to make you feel inferior. I'm certainly not. I am trying to lead a simpler and better life, and I'm making mistakes along the way. I think the journey is as important (or more important) than the final destination. I probably won't ever be the perfect mama or wife, or have the perfect house, but I'll do my best to be the best mama and wife I can be, and have a nice household. (And by nice I don't mean full of fancy, expensive things. I mean a functional house that is full of love.)

With Christ on my side, I can do all that, and more. As long as I remember not to shut Him out! That's hard for all of us, huh? Its so easy to get too big for your britches, as we say around here, and think you can do things by yourself. But you can't. Okay, okay, I'm not gonna do a sermon here. ( :

I won't promise to blog every day, I won't even promise to blog every week. The first week I didn't blog, I got kinda panicky and worried that I wouldn't have a successful blog if I didn't blog all the time. Well, I'm not doing this to be successful. I'm not trying to gain hordes of readers and make money (though that would be nice!). I just love the idea of sharing my little corner of the world. I enjoy the writing process. I'm not very good at it, but who cares? I won't take time away from my family to blog. I'd rather enjoy my life and the people in it. Really, if I didn't, what would I write about?

But if you are following, thanks. Hopefully I won't bore you to tears here. ( :

Oh, and in case anyone was wondering....when I took C to the doctor a few weeks ago, it turned out she had an infected mosquito bite! Who knew? After a few days of antibiotic ointment, she was fine. Though now we're extra cautious about mosquitoes. She's also sleeping much better at night, thank the Lord!! She still doesn't sleep the entire night in her crib, but she's been staying in there until 4 or 4:30, so I'll take it. ( :

Hello and welcome!

Hey ya'll! I'm Nikki. Being an obsessive blog reader for quite some time now (we won't go into details about just how obsessive I am...!), I decided it was high time I started my own blog. (I've actually had one for years, but its become more of a diary of sorts, so its terribly boring to everyone but me.) Here, you'll find a wide mix of topics, including country life, crunchy living (more on that later), food, cleaning, health/beauty, parenting, and much more -  basically, whatever interests me. ( :

To start, here's a little background info on me. I live in a very rural area of North Carolina, born and raised here. I got married back in 2009 to my sweetheart, who would probably prefer to remain anonymous for now. We had our first child in 2010, and she is currently 19 months old (my, how time flies!!). The husband and I both work full-time, and I am blessed with a good mother-in-law who keeps my daughter. We live on a farm of sorts. We have horses, cows, chickens, ducks, and rabbits. And the standard dogs and cats. And a garden. The husband does a little crop farming on the side, and he runs a side business as well (yeah, he stays busy!). I sell Mary Kay on the side, too, though I'm not very successful at it, if truth be told. Oh, and I teach horseback riding lessons, as well.

Having a baby completely changed me. I know lots of people say that, but I can honestly say that every aspect of my life has changed (in a good way) since she's been born. I've learned so much about myself, my marriage, and life. I've become crunchy. (Like I said, more on that later!) I've become so many things I never dreamed I'd be, but I love it. I certainly don't claim to have it all figured out, but I invite you to join me on my journey to learn more. I'm constantly learning ways to be "green," save money, be a better mother, be a better wife, and be a godly woman. (Yep, I'm a Christian.) Its taken me a long time to realize I needed to make some changes in my life, but now I've jumped in with both feet and I'm lovin it! God's got an awesome plan for me, and I'm doing my best to be what He wants me to be.

Stick around, you might learn somethin useful with me along the way. At any rate, you're sure to be entertained! ( :