Last week, I talked about some changes I wanted to make in my home life. Well, its been a week since I wrote that, and I can happily say I am well on my way to making those changes! Not all of them, mind you. But hey, you gotta start somewhere, right?
Every morning now, while I'm eating my peanut butter toast, I've been doing a Bible study instead of scrolling through facebook. (Well, technically, I do both. My Bible study only takes a few minutes. I don't rush it, but when I'm done, then I allow myself to check facebook/instagram.) I'm reading through a study called "The Excellent Wife Day By Day." I think that's the title. I've blogged about it before. I really like it. I actually started it earlier this year, but forgot about it, so I just picked up where I left off a few months ago.
I've been a LOT better about not using my "technology" once I'm home with C. "Technology" meaning the iPad (unless I need to look up a recipe). Once I consciously decided to stop looking at it so much, it wasn't too hard to enforce the new rule. When I get home, I turn the iPad to silent, so I don't hear when I get new e-mails or facebook messages. It goes on the shelf next to my rocking chair, and I don't touch it until I sit down to rock C. During the week, this rule hasn't proven to be very hard for me to follow, but it was tougher on the weekend, for some reason. I found myself picking up the iPad several times over the weekend when I could have been doing something more productive. But, I was better than I normally am, so that's something!
So far, I haven't been able to get back into meal planning yet. DH knows I want to do it, and I say every day that I'm gonna start. I haven't quite found the time to start yet, though. Hopefully tonight. Actually, I fully intended to make a meal plan on Sunday night. I went to the grocery store and got a bunch of good staples like chicken. But C has been pretty sick - more on that in a minute - so that's been preventing me from doing anything "extra" these past few days. Hopefully tonight I can complete at least Phase 1 of meal planning - making a list of everything that's in the freezer, fridge, and pantry so I can begin to formulate meals based on what we have. That's how I started last time, and it really worked. Then, once I use up what we already have, I can make plans and shop based on that.
Budgeting hasn't happened yet, either, for the same reasons listed above. I'm not stressing about it, though. I'll get to it eventually.
So here's the real purpose of this post. I said that C has been pretty sick. Well, she actually has pneumonia. Thankfully, we caught it before it became too serious. Her and I have both been sick with sinus infections for several weeks now. Both of us were on antibiotics. The drugs didn't help me much, and 4 weeks later I am still congested. C got better, but then last week started to get worse again. I just assumed her sinus infection hadn't been cleared up, and maybe she needed another antibiotic. She was acting just fine, so I decided to wait a few more days and see if she got over it on her own.
Saturday, she seemed pretty tired and cranky off and on, but that's not too unusual for her on the weekends, so I didn't think much of it. Sunday morning, she was acting like herself, and she had a good time in her Sunday School class. During church, she started feeling bad, and wanted me to hold her, which is highly unusual for my child. After her nap, she seemed much better, so we played outside for a few hours. But that afternoon, she started coughing more and more, and by that night she was coughing almost nonstop. I still figured it was just allergies/sinus infection. As the night wore on, she felt worse and worse. We did everything we could to stop her coughing and make her feel better, but nothing helped. Finally, she fell asleep while I was rocking her. I noticed she was breathing very rapidly, but I didn't know what to think about it..
Yesterday morning, I took C to the walk in clinic at her pediatrician. She got a breathing treatment because her lungs sounded "junky." After that, the doctor made the diagnosis - pneumonia! She said it was because her sinus infection didn't clear up. So I was partly right. We left with a prescription for another antibiotic and an inhaler. She's already doing much better than she was, though my mother-in-law says she's not eating today and is laying around more than usual. Hopefully it won't take her long to get back to normal.
But during this time of her being so sick and not wanting to eat much, I am so thankful that she is still breastfeeding. Yes, she will be 3 years old next month (woah!) and she still breastfeeds. And I'm not ashamed of it. I don't flaunt it. I don't make a point to tell everyone I know. Mainly because most people just don't get it and think its gross. Its not gross to me. Its just natural. C hasn't shown any signs of being ready to wean, and I haven't felt the need to make her. If it ain't broke, why fix it, right? I plan to post more about breastfeeding soon, but for now I'm just thankful for it. Because even when she's not eating, I can still know that at least she's getting nutrients from my breast milk, and she's getting awesome immune system-building stuff (technical, huh?). She's been asking for milk a little more than usual the past few days, and I've just been going with it. If it makes her feel better, and provides her with some nutrition, why not?
Showing posts with label breastfeeding. Show all posts
Showing posts with label breastfeeding. Show all posts
11.12.2013
8.09.2013
Last Weekend
Its been yet another busy week here! I wanted to blog a little about last weekend first, though. Just so I don't forget anything. ( :
Friday night, DH and my daddy went to the coast to flounder (that is, fish for flounder). Last summer, they worked on Daddy's floundering boat but DH hasn't been able to go out on the boat since then. He finally got the opportunity, and I made sure he went! They had a great time. We should be cooking flounder soon. ( : While they were gone, me and C went out to eat with Mama. That was fun. The restaurant was playing some weird techno music and C kept asking "Mama, what is that silly music?!"
Saturday, me and C got up early and headed to my cousin's house. DH and I actually share a cousin. This guy is my aunt's son, and he's my husband's 3rd cousin or so. Its kinda weird, but around here, everyone is related, it seems! Anyway, his wife and I have become friends, especially since she had their baby back in May. So on Saturday the four of us plus her friend headed to Raleigh for the Big Latch On event at Sweet Bottoms Baby boutique. We were so excited! This event is basically just like the Great Cloth Diaper Change, but with boobs instead of cloth diapers (haha). I was beyond excited to go to Sweet Bottoms. I'd never been before, and I had heard great things about the store. I wasn't disappointed! Of course after the latch on, we shopped for quite some time. I was good and resisted the urge to buy a cute diaper (I tried to tell myself but what if we have another baby? I might NEED this!! lol. That's stupid.) I did end up buying C a hat for the beach (on clearance and tax-free, woohoo!), and some nursing pads for a friend of mine.
The Latch On went well. There were around 50 nurslings there, which was awesome. C was the second oldest kid. And of course when it was time to latch the babies on, C got shy and said she wasn't ready. I've never tried to force her to breastfeed, so I just said okay that's fine. But after a few minutes she changed her mind, so we were able to be counted (we were trying to break the world record for the most mothers breastfeeding at once - oh, and we totally did!). After that, I tried to get her to pee in the potty there but it was loud and she was scared. So what did she do? She walked over to the cloth diapers, spread her legs, and peed on the floor! Argh. Luckily, the employees were cool about it. I cleaned it up and we were fine the rest of the day.
After that, we headed to the mall. We had lunch in the food court, then walked around the mall. We ended up at Victoria's Secret. I had planned to just browse, not needing anything in particular, but a saleswoman asked if I would like a bra fitting. Well, I've been meaning to get one for a while now, so I said sure. Turns out, I've been wearing the wrong size bra. I had the cup size wrong but I was one size too large on the number. I've never had a really nice bra before, and man, what a difference! I ended up buying 2 of them. Now that I know my true size, I'm gonna try to get some cheaper-but-still-good-quality bras elsewhere. Of course, my size is odd so its gonna be next to impossible to find them at department stores.
We made it home around 3pm Saturday, and another cousin was having a birthday party from 4-6 that day. C slept a little on the way home, but she was exhausted, so I let her go back to sleep once we got home. A little before 5 I woke her up so we could go to the party. Then at 6 we left there, came home, rushed through feeding the horses, then left again for the local pool. Our church was having a back-to-school party there and everyone was invited. That was fun! C absolutely loved the pool. They have a shallow area for the little kids, and she loved being able to swim or stand up. I put her arm floats on and she just had a ball. We even swam in the deeper area with no problems. She slept well that night. ( :
Sunday after church, we had another birthday party to attend (for yet another cousin). That was fun, too. We stayed there a few hours, but when we got home C didn't want to take a nap. So that's when we rode Sunshine. I haven't been able to ride her since then, but my plan is to get on her tonight (if it doesn't storm like they're calling for).
It was a very busy weekend, but everything we did was fun. I'm glad not every weekend is quite that eventful, though!
Friday night, DH and my daddy went to the coast to flounder (that is, fish for flounder). Last summer, they worked on Daddy's floundering boat but DH hasn't been able to go out on the boat since then. He finally got the opportunity, and I made sure he went! They had a great time. We should be cooking flounder soon. ( : While they were gone, me and C went out to eat with Mama. That was fun. The restaurant was playing some weird techno music and C kept asking "Mama, what is that silly music?!"
Saturday, me and C got up early and headed to my cousin's house. DH and I actually share a cousin. This guy is my aunt's son, and he's my husband's 3rd cousin or so. Its kinda weird, but around here, everyone is related, it seems! Anyway, his wife and I have become friends, especially since she had their baby back in May. So on Saturday the four of us plus her friend headed to Raleigh for the Big Latch On event at Sweet Bottoms Baby boutique. We were so excited! This event is basically just like the Great Cloth Diaper Change, but with boobs instead of cloth diapers (haha). I was beyond excited to go to Sweet Bottoms. I'd never been before, and I had heard great things about the store. I wasn't disappointed! Of course after the latch on, we shopped for quite some time. I was good and resisted the urge to buy a cute diaper (I tried to tell myself but what if we have another baby? I might NEED this!! lol. That's stupid.) I did end up buying C a hat for the beach (on clearance and tax-free, woohoo!), and some nursing pads for a friend of mine.
The Latch On went well. There were around 50 nurslings there, which was awesome. C was the second oldest kid. And of course when it was time to latch the babies on, C got shy and said she wasn't ready. I've never tried to force her to breastfeed, so I just said okay that's fine. But after a few minutes she changed her mind, so we were able to be counted (we were trying to break the world record for the most mothers breastfeeding at once - oh, and we totally did!). After that, I tried to get her to pee in the potty there but it was loud and she was scared. So what did she do? She walked over to the cloth diapers, spread her legs, and peed on the floor! Argh. Luckily, the employees were cool about it. I cleaned it up and we were fine the rest of the day.
After that, we headed to the mall. We had lunch in the food court, then walked around the mall. We ended up at Victoria's Secret. I had planned to just browse, not needing anything in particular, but a saleswoman asked if I would like a bra fitting. Well, I've been meaning to get one for a while now, so I said sure. Turns out, I've been wearing the wrong size bra. I had the cup size wrong but I was one size too large on the number. I've never had a really nice bra before, and man, what a difference! I ended up buying 2 of them. Now that I know my true size, I'm gonna try to get some cheaper-but-still-good-quality bras elsewhere. Of course, my size is odd so its gonna be next to impossible to find them at department stores.
We made it home around 3pm Saturday, and another cousin was having a birthday party from 4-6 that day. C slept a little on the way home, but she was exhausted, so I let her go back to sleep once we got home. A little before 5 I woke her up so we could go to the party. Then at 6 we left there, came home, rushed through feeding the horses, then left again for the local pool. Our church was having a back-to-school party there and everyone was invited. That was fun! C absolutely loved the pool. They have a shallow area for the little kids, and she loved being able to swim or stand up. I put her arm floats on and she just had a ball. We even swam in the deeper area with no problems. She slept well that night. ( :
Sunday after church, we had another birthday party to attend (for yet another cousin). That was fun, too. We stayed there a few hours, but when we got home C didn't want to take a nap. So that's when we rode Sunshine. I haven't been able to ride her since then, but my plan is to get on her tonight (if it doesn't storm like they're calling for).
It was a very busy weekend, but everything we did was fun. I'm glad not every weekend is quite that eventful, though!
6.12.2013
Instincts
So I think I posted a while back that I decided I was gonna start gettin up earlier on week days to do yoga before work. That has actually gone much better than I anticipated. I used to wake up at 7:30 on week days. Which gave me 50 minutes to eat breakfast and get myself and C ready for the day. I don't need much time for my hair and makeup, and I don't have to think about my outfit for the day (khakis and a work shirt every day, simple!), so 50 minutes was plenty of time. But it wasn't enough time to work out at all, and I always felt a little guilty waking up so late, since DH leaves the house at 7:15 or earlier. He fed the horses for me every morning, too - he started doing that towards the end of my pregnancy when I got to the point where my hips couldn't tolerate lifting the pitchfork loaded with hay. Anyway, I guess I felt more than "a little" guilty over all that!
The first few days, I woke up at 7, which was pretty hard for me, I won't lie. But I was able to get my yoga time in (15 minutes at first) and still have plenty of time to get me and C ready. Then I decided I should really get up even earlier and feed the horses. They're mostly mine, anyway, and I know DH was tired of having to feed them every morning. So I pushed my wake-up time back to 6:30. That first morning was tough! But I did it, and I kept it up. Its been over a month now, and I still get up at 6:30. I've been pretty proud of myself. Usually by 7:10 or so I'm getting started on my yoga and strength training. I do it with my Wii Fit Plus, which I absolutely love. I only do about 22 minutes, but I have been able to tell a big difference in my body since I began.
(I really need to do some cardio a few times a week, because even though my muscles are coming back, I am still extremely out of shape. But I'm not down with sweating in the mornings. Which is why I love yoga. I ordered Wii Dance the other day and should have it sooner. The plan is to do that some evenings with C. I think it will be fun and I know she'll love it since she loves to dance and likes to imitate me when I do yoga [if she's awake when I do it!]. We can also do a dance workout on the weekends. We already normally have dance time on Saturdays, so now it can be a little more structured.)
I promise there is a reason for me sayin all this about my morning routine. If I have learned anything during my motherhood journey (and I have learned a ton), its to listen to my gut, trust my instincts, whatever you want to say. 9 times out of 10, my instincts are right. Probably because I began always always putting someone else (C) ahead of myself. I assume this happens to all mothers...?
Anyway, this morning I had plenty of time to do my yoga, but something told me not to. C was still asleep, so I decided to enjoy a quiet bowl of cereal on the couch. I of course brought my phone with me so I could scan facebook while I ate (can't miss anything, you know!). And then I got a text from our cousin who just had her baby on Monday. She had some breastfeeding concerns and was getting a little panicky. I remember being like that in the beginning. And I remember how helpful it was to have someone be a voice of reason and assure me I was doing fine.
Nothing major happened, but we ended up texting back and forth for a while. If I had started my yoga, I wouldn't have read her text until much later, and then I wouldn't have been able to respond to her as much as I needed to. So I am grateful that I've learned to listen to that little voice in my head, whatever it is. I was able to reassure her and give her some tips, which she said made her feel better.
Then she made me feel good! She texted me later and said her doctor had stopped by and told her the exact same things I had already said! I knew I was giving her sound advice and support, but it felt great to be backed up by a doctor. (Especially because it was almost opposite of what a nurse had told her earlier this morning.)
This experience reminded me of my desire to become a Lactation Consultant. I don't know if it'll ever happen, since there are a lot of requirements to meet before you can sit for the exam to be certified. There are 14 (I think) classes you have to have (including anatomy, child development, stuff like that) in addition to many, many hours of clinical hours. I'll be paying off the student loans for my BA and MBA degrees forever, so I won't be going back to school any time soon. Maybe this is something I can do down the road, who knows.
Last year, I talked to the Leader of my local La Leche League (LLL) about becoming a Leader. She thinks I'd be great at it, and it would be a good way for me to reach out and help other breastfeeding mothers. The problem is, I can never make the monthly meetings. I was able to attend a handful before C turned 1, and since then I've been maybe twice. They're always on Monday nights at 7. And they're here in town, so its super hard for me to get home, then turn right back around and come back to town and be here by 7. Plus, I have found that Monday nights tend to be the crazy nights. I guess because its the first day/night after the weekend, but things normally go wrong on Mondays and any plans I make never work out.
I have thought about starting my own group and holding monthly meetings at a more convenient time and place (our local group meets at the pediatrician's office, which I hate because every time I took C she got a virus!), but in order to be a Leader you have to attend so many meetings first. At some point I'm just gonna have to bite the bullet and get it done. I have a passion for breastfeeding, breastfeeding advocacy, and helping other breastfeeding mothers.
I wish I had realized years ago that this would become a passion of mine. I would have gone to school to be a Registered Nurse and went on to get certified as a Lactation Consultant. Then I could work in a hospital on the maternity floor. But I never would have guessed even 3 years ago that I'd be this passionate about this topic. Life sure is funny.
For a while now I've been composing a blog post in my head about my experience with breastfeeding. Hopefully soon I'll get it actually typed up. Its one of those topics that most people feel strongly about - either they really think breastfeeding is weird and don't like to talk or hear about it, or they are like me and really support it. I have run into more than my fair share of people who were almost against it. I've even been told before that breastfeeding was pornographic. :(
So I try to be sensitive to other people and not talk about breastfeeding too much. But you know what? This is my blog and this is one of my passions. I'm gonna talk about it here. ( : I know I've only breastfed one child, and we really haven't had any issues at all, so I don't have experience with difficulties. But I feel like its important to share positive breastfeeding stories. When I was pregnant, I was pretty sure I wouldn't be able to breastfeed. All I heard was negative stories and how hard it was. Well, breastfeeding has never been hard for me. I like to tell people that. People need to see that it doesn't have to be difficult. Stay tuned. ( :
The first few days, I woke up at 7, which was pretty hard for me, I won't lie. But I was able to get my yoga time in (15 minutes at first) and still have plenty of time to get me and C ready. Then I decided I should really get up even earlier and feed the horses. They're mostly mine, anyway, and I know DH was tired of having to feed them every morning. So I pushed my wake-up time back to 6:30. That first morning was tough! But I did it, and I kept it up. Its been over a month now, and I still get up at 6:30. I've been pretty proud of myself. Usually by 7:10 or so I'm getting started on my yoga and strength training. I do it with my Wii Fit Plus, which I absolutely love. I only do about 22 minutes, but I have been able to tell a big difference in my body since I began.
(I really need to do some cardio a few times a week, because even though my muscles are coming back, I am still extremely out of shape. But I'm not down with sweating in the mornings. Which is why I love yoga. I ordered Wii Dance the other day and should have it sooner. The plan is to do that some evenings with C. I think it will be fun and I know she'll love it since she loves to dance and likes to imitate me when I do yoga [if she's awake when I do it!]. We can also do a dance workout on the weekends. We already normally have dance time on Saturdays, so now it can be a little more structured.)
I promise there is a reason for me sayin all this about my morning routine. If I have learned anything during my motherhood journey (and I have learned a ton), its to listen to my gut, trust my instincts, whatever you want to say. 9 times out of 10, my instincts are right. Probably because I began always always putting someone else (C) ahead of myself. I assume this happens to all mothers...?
Anyway, this morning I had plenty of time to do my yoga, but something told me not to. C was still asleep, so I decided to enjoy a quiet bowl of cereal on the couch. I of course brought my phone with me so I could scan facebook while I ate (can't miss anything, you know!). And then I got a text from our cousin who just had her baby on Monday. She had some breastfeeding concerns and was getting a little panicky. I remember being like that in the beginning. And I remember how helpful it was to have someone be a voice of reason and assure me I was doing fine.
Nothing major happened, but we ended up texting back and forth for a while. If I had started my yoga, I wouldn't have read her text until much later, and then I wouldn't have been able to respond to her as much as I needed to. So I am grateful that I've learned to listen to that little voice in my head, whatever it is. I was able to reassure her and give her some tips, which she said made her feel better.
Then she made me feel good! She texted me later and said her doctor had stopped by and told her the exact same things I had already said! I knew I was giving her sound advice and support, but it felt great to be backed up by a doctor. (Especially because it was almost opposite of what a nurse had told her earlier this morning.)
This experience reminded me of my desire to become a Lactation Consultant. I don't know if it'll ever happen, since there are a lot of requirements to meet before you can sit for the exam to be certified. There are 14 (I think) classes you have to have (including anatomy, child development, stuff like that) in addition to many, many hours of clinical hours. I'll be paying off the student loans for my BA and MBA degrees forever, so I won't be going back to school any time soon. Maybe this is something I can do down the road, who knows.
Last year, I talked to the Leader of my local La Leche League (LLL) about becoming a Leader. She thinks I'd be great at it, and it would be a good way for me to reach out and help other breastfeeding mothers. The problem is, I can never make the monthly meetings. I was able to attend a handful before C turned 1, and since then I've been maybe twice. They're always on Monday nights at 7. And they're here in town, so its super hard for me to get home, then turn right back around and come back to town and be here by 7. Plus, I have found that Monday nights tend to be the crazy nights. I guess because its the first day/night after the weekend, but things normally go wrong on Mondays and any plans I make never work out.
I have thought about starting my own group and holding monthly meetings at a more convenient time and place (our local group meets at the pediatrician's office, which I hate because every time I took C she got a virus!), but in order to be a Leader you have to attend so many meetings first. At some point I'm just gonna have to bite the bullet and get it done. I have a passion for breastfeeding, breastfeeding advocacy, and helping other breastfeeding mothers.
I wish I had realized years ago that this would become a passion of mine. I would have gone to school to be a Registered Nurse and went on to get certified as a Lactation Consultant. Then I could work in a hospital on the maternity floor. But I never would have guessed even 3 years ago that I'd be this passionate about this topic. Life sure is funny.
For a while now I've been composing a blog post in my head about my experience with breastfeeding. Hopefully soon I'll get it actually typed up. Its one of those topics that most people feel strongly about - either they really think breastfeeding is weird and don't like to talk or hear about it, or they are like me and really support it. I have run into more than my fair share of people who were almost against it. I've even been told before that breastfeeding was pornographic. :(
So I try to be sensitive to other people and not talk about breastfeeding too much. But you know what? This is my blog and this is one of my passions. I'm gonna talk about it here. ( : I know I've only breastfed one child, and we really haven't had any issues at all, so I don't have experience with difficulties. But I feel like its important to share positive breastfeeding stories. When I was pregnant, I was pretty sure I wouldn't be able to breastfeed. All I heard was negative stories and how hard it was. Well, breastfeeding has never been hard for me. I like to tell people that. People need to see that it doesn't have to be difficult. Stay tuned. ( :
4.05.2013
Frustration. Guilt. Stress. Grief.
Heavy title, huh? Well, those are just some of the emotions I've been dealing with this week. I know most people (myself included) try to keep blog topics upbeat, sharing only the good and positive things. But let's be real. Life is full of not-so-good stuff. Its not rainbows and unicorns all the time. I struggle with the fine line between being an honest blogger and not being too personal here. The key word there was struggle. I struggle a lot. In every aspect of my life. I'm not ashamed to admit that. I am imperfect and a sinner and I fully recognize that. Lucky for me (and you!), God loves me (and you!) anyway. I don't have to be perfect and I don't have to have it all together. Whew.
This week has been a tough one for me and my family. My uncle passed away on Saturday. We knew it was coming. The doctor told us on Wednesday that he would not make it through the weekend. He was diagnosed with Stage 3 lunch cancer last fall, and it has been very aggressive. There simply wasn't anything else the doctors could do to fight it. I went to see my uncle several times while he was in the hospital this last time, but not as often as I would have liked. I honestly thought he'd be able to leave and die at home. I thought the doctor was wrong, and that he wouldn't die that quickly. My husband and I went to see him on Friday night and his breathing was better than it had been in days. I told DH that there's no way it would be that weekend. Obviously, I was wrong.
I got the call from one of my cousins around 2pm Saturday that he had passed. Apparently, the whole family besides me knew that my uncle had taken a turn for the worse that morning. Most of the family was at the hospital, waiting. I had no idea, because no one called me. I knew that someone would call me when things changed, so since I hadn't heard from anyone, assumed everything was the same. My friend and I took our babies to have Easter pictures made. We were gone all morning, then ate lunch and had planned to go to the church for the Easter egg hunt. I got the call when we were on the way to the church. So I turned around and went back home. My sister-in-law came and took C to the egg hunt, and my friend went home. I went to the hospital. I knew there was nothing I could do at that point, but I wanted to be with my family.
I was upset that no one had called me. I could have been there with them, said goodbye to my uncle. At the same time, I understood why no one called me. They were all stressed out and already grieving. Several of them assumed someone else had alerted me. My aunt's boyfriend (not the wife of the uncle who died!) told me that my uncle would have wanted me to have a normal day, he wouldn't have wanted us all at the hospital watching him die. Which is true. But still. I wish I had known. But its not like I could have been mad at the family during that time. Even though we all knew he was going to die, and soon, it was still hard to watch.
My aunt (his wife) completely lost it when he finally died. They were taking her out of the hospital in a wheelchair when I got there. It was heartbreaking to see. For the rest of the day, she could remember nothing. Her mind completely blocked out her husband's sickness and passing. She kept asking over and over what had happened. Thankfully, she snapped out of that after she got some rest. Though watching her grieve through the funeral was not easy. I can't imagine how it feels to bury your husband of 51 years.
We all stayed at the hospital for a while after my aunt left, I'm not sure why. I got upset when I went in to see my uncle. He looked terrible. Completely different than he had just the night before. It was shocking. But I left his room and we were all talking and I was getting the details from the day, and the sadness just wasn't hitting me. My cousin and I actually went shopping afterwards. I bought a dress, a shirt, and a pair of shoes. I kept thinking how odd it was to be buying clothes when my uncle just died. But it felt okay. I think my cousin and I needed that distance for a little while.
That night, the family at at the church (my home church). Everyone was subdued, but we had several small children there, so they kept the mood lighter than it would have probably been otherwise. Most of my family decided not to go to church on Easter. My husband and I attend a different church now, so we went. I hate to admit it, but I couldn't even tell you what our pastor preached on that morning. C was quiet, but she wouldn't be still, and then at the end of the service she started inexplicably (and quietly) crying, so I had to take her outside. I kept thinking about my uncle's death and I just couldn't concentrate.
After church, we went back to the church to eat lunch with my family. Everyone was in good spirits that time, and after we ate we had an indoor egg hunt for the kids. They had a blast. By the time we left, the toddlers were all having meltdowns because it was past nap time. C fell asleep soon after we got home, but wouldn't let me lay her down. So I decided to lay on the couch with her. She didn't like that idea, either. She started moving all around, kicking me, and just would not be still. At that point, I was exhausted and just needed a break. After a while, I sat her down and told her to go play, and I rolled over and closed my eyes for a few minutes. I got up and started helping DH prepare some food for supper, but nothing was going right. The next thing I knew, I was bawling. I guess my uncle's death finally hit me. I sat on our bed and just cried and cried. C was so sweet; she kept getting closer to me, handing me tissues, and asking me what was wrong. I had already explained to her that my uncle had gone to Heaven, but of course she doesn't understand that concept yet. I told her he's not sick anymore and that he's with Jesus. She asked if she could go live with Jesus in Heaven, too. Yes, I told her, one day you will.
The rest of Easter turned out okay. There was another incident that was pretty stressful, but I won't go into details on that one. By the time we got to my in-law's house, I was about done for the day. My eyes were getting red and by the end of the night I looked like a freaky vampire. (I've been wearing my glasses ever since and I hate wearing glasses!) Thankfully, I got some good sleep that night and felt better Monday morning.
I left work Monday early because we were supposed to eat at the church at 5 and then head over to the funeral home for my uncle's wake. That wasn't sad like you'd think. There was so many people there and everyone was loud, so it was hard to be sad, even with my uncle's body right there beside us. We were supposed to greet people from 7-9pm, but they started coming in at 6:30 and didn't stop until 10. It was exhausting.
Tuesday was the funeral. I didn't go to work at all. We had lunch at the church, and went back for supper. The funeral was tough. Us cousins couldn't sit with the family because the private room was too small, so thankfully I didn't have to watch my aunt's grief or that of her sons, but I still broke down. I rarely cry in front of anyone other than my husband, so that was tough for me. I have virtually no memories of my uncle (or most of my childhood, actually), so I was surprised at myself for being so upset. There's a little of that guilt I mentioned in the title to this post. Why can't I remember more about my uncle? I grew up living next to him and spent a lot of time at his house. I had a wonderful childhood; why on earth have I apparently blocked so much of it out??
By Wednesday, life was back to normal. We've stayed home the past two nights, and I imagine we won't be going anywhere tonight, either. Its good to stay home with just my husband and my daughter.
Here's some more guilt. C has been nursing a lot lately. She had been down to just nursing herself to sleep, and maybe first thing in the morning. But the past few weeks, she's been asking for milk all the time. When I ask her why, she says "because I hungry!" or she'll just smile and tell me she needs it. So far, my policy on breastfeeding her at this age has been "don't ask, don't refuse." Meaning, I don't offer her the breast, but if she asks for it I don't refuse. I'm kinda ready for her to wean, but I want it to be her idea, not mine. Sometimes, I'm able to put her off for a little while ("you can have milk after your bath, or after we do ___"), but most of the time she gets too upset if I tell her to wait. I know some of that if her bein a 2 year old and just not liking when things don't go her way, but what if she really needs something that only breastfeeding can provide? Not the actual milk. I know that she can survive just fine without it at this point. I'm sure its still giving her extra nutrients and filling in the gaps of her toddler diet, and I know my milk is still giving her important antibodies to fight off sicknesses. I firmly believe that her eczema/allergies would be much, much worse if it weren't for breastfeeding. But she gets other benefits from breastfeeding at this age. Benefits that are hard to put into words. She feels safe at my breast; its her home base, her safe place. She gets comfort there. People say she's too old for that now, but I disagree.
Last night, someone posted on facebook in a private group that I'm a member of (a group for "extended" breastfeeding mothers) that her toddler was suddenly wanting to nurse way more than normal. This mama also has a newborn. Someone else replied that the mama was probably spending so much time with the newborn that the toddler needed some one-on-one time and missed the cuddling that she got from breastfeeding, so she decided to "need" it all the time again. That hit me because what if that is my C? Obviously, I don't have another baby to worry about, but what if she's needing more of my time right now? And I'm not there to give it to her, because I'm at work all day. She's away from me for 9 hours, every week day. I miss a lot of her life. She gets a ton of attention from my in-laws, but what if she needs it from her mama?
I know there's no point in beating myself up over something I can't change. But the guilt is still there. That would explain why she's nursing so frequently lately. She could also be going through a growth spurt, who knows. (She did grow 1.5 inches since December, so she's had a growth spurt at some point recently!) This morning when I dropped her off she kept saying she didn't want me to leave. She wasn't whining about it, she just stated the fact. Then she told me to be careful cause there are a lot of cars out there. And she made me promise to come back this afternoon. (I hate making that promise, because what if something happens to me and I don't make it home??) It broke my heart. So yes, I have guilt over leaving her every day.
And there you have it. All (well, not all, but a lot) of the emotions I've been dealing with this week. Its been a struggle, for sure. I've been praying a lot, reading from the Bible, asking God for help and strength and patience. Because what else can I do?? I know that He is with me and that I am not going through all this alone, though. That fact does make it easier. I also know that this tough period won't last forever - at least, I pray it doesn't!!
This week has been a tough one for me and my family. My uncle passed away on Saturday. We knew it was coming. The doctor told us on Wednesday that he would not make it through the weekend. He was diagnosed with Stage 3 lunch cancer last fall, and it has been very aggressive. There simply wasn't anything else the doctors could do to fight it. I went to see my uncle several times while he was in the hospital this last time, but not as often as I would have liked. I honestly thought he'd be able to leave and die at home. I thought the doctor was wrong, and that he wouldn't die that quickly. My husband and I went to see him on Friday night and his breathing was better than it had been in days. I told DH that there's no way it would be that weekend. Obviously, I was wrong.
I got the call from one of my cousins around 2pm Saturday that he had passed. Apparently, the whole family besides me knew that my uncle had taken a turn for the worse that morning. Most of the family was at the hospital, waiting. I had no idea, because no one called me. I knew that someone would call me when things changed, so since I hadn't heard from anyone, assumed everything was the same. My friend and I took our babies to have Easter pictures made. We were gone all morning, then ate lunch and had planned to go to the church for the Easter egg hunt. I got the call when we were on the way to the church. So I turned around and went back home. My sister-in-law came and took C to the egg hunt, and my friend went home. I went to the hospital. I knew there was nothing I could do at that point, but I wanted to be with my family.
I was upset that no one had called me. I could have been there with them, said goodbye to my uncle. At the same time, I understood why no one called me. They were all stressed out and already grieving. Several of them assumed someone else had alerted me. My aunt's boyfriend (not the wife of the uncle who died!) told me that my uncle would have wanted me to have a normal day, he wouldn't have wanted us all at the hospital watching him die. Which is true. But still. I wish I had known. But its not like I could have been mad at the family during that time. Even though we all knew he was going to die, and soon, it was still hard to watch.
My aunt (his wife) completely lost it when he finally died. They were taking her out of the hospital in a wheelchair when I got there. It was heartbreaking to see. For the rest of the day, she could remember nothing. Her mind completely blocked out her husband's sickness and passing. She kept asking over and over what had happened. Thankfully, she snapped out of that after she got some rest. Though watching her grieve through the funeral was not easy. I can't imagine how it feels to bury your husband of 51 years.
We all stayed at the hospital for a while after my aunt left, I'm not sure why. I got upset when I went in to see my uncle. He looked terrible. Completely different than he had just the night before. It was shocking. But I left his room and we were all talking and I was getting the details from the day, and the sadness just wasn't hitting me. My cousin and I actually went shopping afterwards. I bought a dress, a shirt, and a pair of shoes. I kept thinking how odd it was to be buying clothes when my uncle just died. But it felt okay. I think my cousin and I needed that distance for a little while.
That night, the family at at the church (my home church). Everyone was subdued, but we had several small children there, so they kept the mood lighter than it would have probably been otherwise. Most of my family decided not to go to church on Easter. My husband and I attend a different church now, so we went. I hate to admit it, but I couldn't even tell you what our pastor preached on that morning. C was quiet, but she wouldn't be still, and then at the end of the service she started inexplicably (and quietly) crying, so I had to take her outside. I kept thinking about my uncle's death and I just couldn't concentrate.
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| C in her Easter dress |
The rest of Easter turned out okay. There was another incident that was pretty stressful, but I won't go into details on that one. By the time we got to my in-law's house, I was about done for the day. My eyes were getting red and by the end of the night I looked like a freaky vampire. (I've been wearing my glasses ever since and I hate wearing glasses!) Thankfully, I got some good sleep that night and felt better Monday morning.
I left work Monday early because we were supposed to eat at the church at 5 and then head over to the funeral home for my uncle's wake. That wasn't sad like you'd think. There was so many people there and everyone was loud, so it was hard to be sad, even with my uncle's body right there beside us. We were supposed to greet people from 7-9pm, but they started coming in at 6:30 and didn't stop until 10. It was exhausting.
Tuesday was the funeral. I didn't go to work at all. We had lunch at the church, and went back for supper. The funeral was tough. Us cousins couldn't sit with the family because the private room was too small, so thankfully I didn't have to watch my aunt's grief or that of her sons, but I still broke down. I rarely cry in front of anyone other than my husband, so that was tough for me. I have virtually no memories of my uncle (or most of my childhood, actually), so I was surprised at myself for being so upset. There's a little of that guilt I mentioned in the title to this post. Why can't I remember more about my uncle? I grew up living next to him and spent a lot of time at his house. I had a wonderful childhood; why on earth have I apparently blocked so much of it out??
By Wednesday, life was back to normal. We've stayed home the past two nights, and I imagine we won't be going anywhere tonight, either. Its good to stay home with just my husband and my daughter.
Here's some more guilt. C has been nursing a lot lately. She had been down to just nursing herself to sleep, and maybe first thing in the morning. But the past few weeks, she's been asking for milk all the time. When I ask her why, she says "because I hungry!" or she'll just smile and tell me she needs it. So far, my policy on breastfeeding her at this age has been "don't ask, don't refuse." Meaning, I don't offer her the breast, but if she asks for it I don't refuse. I'm kinda ready for her to wean, but I want it to be her idea, not mine. Sometimes, I'm able to put her off for a little while ("you can have milk after your bath, or after we do ___"), but most of the time she gets too upset if I tell her to wait. I know some of that if her bein a 2 year old and just not liking when things don't go her way, but what if she really needs something that only breastfeeding can provide? Not the actual milk. I know that she can survive just fine without it at this point. I'm sure its still giving her extra nutrients and filling in the gaps of her toddler diet, and I know my milk is still giving her important antibodies to fight off sicknesses. I firmly believe that her eczema/allergies would be much, much worse if it weren't for breastfeeding. But she gets other benefits from breastfeeding at this age. Benefits that are hard to put into words. She feels safe at my breast; its her home base, her safe place. She gets comfort there. People say she's too old for that now, but I disagree.
Last night, someone posted on facebook in a private group that I'm a member of (a group for "extended" breastfeeding mothers) that her toddler was suddenly wanting to nurse way more than normal. This mama also has a newborn. Someone else replied that the mama was probably spending so much time with the newborn that the toddler needed some one-on-one time and missed the cuddling that she got from breastfeeding, so she decided to "need" it all the time again. That hit me because what if that is my C? Obviously, I don't have another baby to worry about, but what if she's needing more of my time right now? And I'm not there to give it to her, because I'm at work all day. She's away from me for 9 hours, every week day. I miss a lot of her life. She gets a ton of attention from my in-laws, but what if she needs it from her mama?
I know there's no point in beating myself up over something I can't change. But the guilt is still there. That would explain why she's nursing so frequently lately. She could also be going through a growth spurt, who knows. (She did grow 1.5 inches since December, so she's had a growth spurt at some point recently!) This morning when I dropped her off she kept saying she didn't want me to leave. She wasn't whining about it, she just stated the fact. Then she told me to be careful cause there are a lot of cars out there. And she made me promise to come back this afternoon. (I hate making that promise, because what if something happens to me and I don't make it home??) It broke my heart. So yes, I have guilt over leaving her every day.
And there you have it. All (well, not all, but a lot) of the emotions I've been dealing with this week. Its been a struggle, for sure. I've been praying a lot, reading from the Bible, asking God for help and strength and patience. Because what else can I do?? I know that He is with me and that I am not going through all this alone, though. That fact does make it easier. I also know that this tough period won't last forever - at least, I pray it doesn't!!
3.18.2013
On Being A Mother
Today I read a blog post by a friend of mine in which she talked about how she had no desire for children before she actually had one. It was so timely because all weekend I've been planning my next blog post in my head, and that was basically the topic! Great minds... ( :
I used to babysit a lot when I was younger. I have three younger cousins (who are now almost grown up - one is even married!) that I used to keep every day after school until my aunt and uncle got home from work. For a few summers, I kept them all day as well. The "job" first began out of necessity and I of course hated having to watch my little cousins all the time. But eventually I came to love it, and we all had the best time together (I remember once cooking them tacos for lunch, and one of them told me I was the best babysitter ever...haha). I babysat other kids in the neighborhood, as well, and when I went to college I sat a few times here and there.
At one point during college I worked at a daycare. On the days I didn't have class, I had the three-year-olds all day, but most of the time I had those precious ones and then all the after-schoolers (who were complete hellions, I might add!). That experience kind of turned me off from kids. I think I had way too many in my class (around 19), and I had such a big range in ages (from 3 to 12), plus I had several special-needs kids (one 5 year old was still in diapers and was basically a baby). I was in no way prepared to handle any of that. I wasn't going to school to work with children, and I certainly had no idea how to handle the special-needs ones. It was extremely stressful every day at work. The point is, after dealing with all those rowdy youngins at the daycare, I had no desire to ever have my own.
I figured eventually I'd have a child or two, because that's just what you do when you're married (right?), but no way would it be before I was in my 30s. DH wanted kids but he was in no hurry, either. After we got married people immediately began asking us when we were gonna have a baby (don't you hate that? Maybe its just a southern thing, where everyone feels they have a right to know all your personal business!). We talked about it and decided we definitely weren't ready.
And then one day, baby fever struck me.
I don't even know what triggered it. I can't remember a specific event. Just one day, I wasn't ready for a child, and then the next, I was. Simple as that. I told DH, who was pretty nonchalant about it - he'd be happy either way. So in December, we threw caution to the wind and said if I got pregnant, so be it. But both of us firmly believed it would take a while. (That's all you hear about, people who take forever to get pregnant, especially people like me who had been on birth control for years and years.) In my mind, we'd be pregnant in about a year.
God had other plans for us! I was pregnant by March, and discovered it in April. Woah! Suddenly it all got real. We were both shocked (and looking back, how stupid was that?? I mean, what did we expect to happen? haha). I honestly believed it would take a while to get pregnant, and I kind of had a feeling I wouldn't be able to conceive. Thankfully, we were both thrilled, too. We didn't waste much time telling everyone we knew about the baby on the way. I documented my whole pregnancy - I made a scrapbook with weekly baby bump pictures. (I am so glad I did that, too! I love looking back and seeing how huge I was.) DH thought it was kinda weird that I did that, but I told him that one day our baby would look at that book and think, wow, my mama was so excited to be carrying me, and so looking forward to meeting me!!
There was a lot I didn't know before C was born (and yes, I'm aware that there's still a lot I don't know now!), but I played it by ear (like I do everything in life), and learned as I went. I used to be scared of newborns - they look so fragile. But the first time I held C in my arms, I knew exactly what to do. Once the nurse showed me how to hold her to my breast and she latched on, it felt like we'd been breastfeeding forever. Everything just felt so natural.
Oh, sure, we had our moments! C had to spend an extra few days in the hospital due to jaundice, and that first night home was rough. DH and I had no idea what to do when she screamed all night, which she did. We got absolutely no sleep. And the next morning, we fumbled through her first bath by us. And just a few days later, when C's eye got really gunked up, I had to call over my mother-in-law to show me how to take her temperature rectally because I was terrified I'd puncture her bowel. So please don't think that I'm saying I haven't had any challenges as a mother, because that is far from the case!! (I won't even talk about the fact that when she reached 2 or 3 weeks of age, C screamed her head off every night for 3-4 hours for about 3 weeks straight. Nothing we did would calm her.)
Becoming a mother has changed me - for the better. I know everyone says that. But I honestly feel like a better person now. I have more patience (not perfect patience, by any stretch of the imagination, but I am much better than I used to be!). I am more tender and loving. I am less of a cynic (though that part of me does remain). I have learned to rely on myself less and on God more - and yes, I know other people learn that without having a baby, but it took a baby to teach me that one. I eat healthier (pregnancy and breastfeeding makes you think about someone other than yourself!). I am greener/crunchier. Everything is just better. And I have my daughter to thank (well, God, really, but you know what I mean!).
C makes me stop my busy-ness and just enjoy the simple things in life. I love seeing things through her eyes. I love watching her experiencing new things, because it makes them new to me again, too. Just the other day, we saw a ladybug and C said it was beautiful. Well, yes it is. I'd just never thought about it.
The most amazing thing to me is how I finally, finally feel like I've found my place in this world - as a mother. If you had told me that just 5 years ago, I would have laughed in your face. But its true.
In high school, most of my friends knew exactly what they wanted to do with their life - nurse, dental hygienist, mechanic, etc. Not me. I didn't even want to go to college, but my parents insisted. I had no clue what I wanted to do or be. As a result, I fumbled through 5 years of college before completing a degree - in Animal Science, of all things. After graduation, I still had no idea what to do with my degree. My first job was working at a hog farm, and that lasted about 2 weeks. Then I got a job at a pathology laboratory at a big turkey company. I hated it (though I was blessed to make some awesome friends there), but I stayed there for 3 years, until the company downsized and I was laid off. I eventually went back to school and got a Master's degree in Business Administration (mainly to please my dad - he's so proud to have a daughter with an advanced degree!). I've been at my current job for 3 years now, and I really like it. I have the best boss ever, and I really do like my work. And I'm good at my job. But I have always felt just a little off, like I'm not quite not where I need to be - in every job I've ever had. (The closest I felt to right was back in college when I managed a horse farm and worked at 2 others - I still miss that!)
It hit me this weekend that being a mother is the job for me. I long to do it full-time, and maybe some day I will (God-willing). Even if I don't ever get to be a full-time mama, I will always revel in the moments I get to be with my child(ren). I really feel like I'm in my element then. I don't feel like I have it all under control as a mama, and I don't feel like I don't ever need any help. I do feel like I'm doing a good job and I'm doing what God's called me to do. I feel like I'm finally in my element. So thank you, God, for this blessing of being a mama. I wish I was more eloquent with my words. Hopefully I've conveyed some of my feelings adequately enough here! ( :
At one point during college I worked at a daycare. On the days I didn't have class, I had the three-year-olds all day, but most of the time I had those precious ones and then all the after-schoolers (who were complete hellions, I might add!). That experience kind of turned me off from kids. I think I had way too many in my class (around 19), and I had such a big range in ages (from 3 to 12), plus I had several special-needs kids (one 5 year old was still in diapers and was basically a baby). I was in no way prepared to handle any of that. I wasn't going to school to work with children, and I certainly had no idea how to handle the special-needs ones. It was extremely stressful every day at work. The point is, after dealing with all those rowdy youngins at the daycare, I had no desire to ever have my own.
I figured eventually I'd have a child or two, because that's just what you do when you're married (right?), but no way would it be before I was in my 30s. DH wanted kids but he was in no hurry, either. After we got married people immediately began asking us when we were gonna have a baby (don't you hate that? Maybe its just a southern thing, where everyone feels they have a right to know all your personal business!). We talked about it and decided we definitely weren't ready.
And then one day, baby fever struck me.
I don't even know what triggered it. I can't remember a specific event. Just one day, I wasn't ready for a child, and then the next, I was. Simple as that. I told DH, who was pretty nonchalant about it - he'd be happy either way. So in December, we threw caution to the wind and said if I got pregnant, so be it. But both of us firmly believed it would take a while. (That's all you hear about, people who take forever to get pregnant, especially people like me who had been on birth control for years and years.) In my mind, we'd be pregnant in about a year.
God had other plans for us! I was pregnant by March, and discovered it in April. Woah! Suddenly it all got real. We were both shocked (and looking back, how stupid was that?? I mean, what did we expect to happen? haha). I honestly believed it would take a while to get pregnant, and I kind of had a feeling I wouldn't be able to conceive. Thankfully, we were both thrilled, too. We didn't waste much time telling everyone we knew about the baby on the way. I documented my whole pregnancy - I made a scrapbook with weekly baby bump pictures. (I am so glad I did that, too! I love looking back and seeing how huge I was.) DH thought it was kinda weird that I did that, but I told him that one day our baby would look at that book and think, wow, my mama was so excited to be carrying me, and so looking forward to meeting me!!
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| 38 weeks and HUGE! lol |
There was a lot I didn't know before C was born (and yes, I'm aware that there's still a lot I don't know now!), but I played it by ear (like I do everything in life), and learned as I went. I used to be scared of newborns - they look so fragile. But the first time I held C in my arms, I knew exactly what to do. Once the nurse showed me how to hold her to my breast and she latched on, it felt like we'd been breastfeeding forever. Everything just felt so natural.
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| moments after birth ( : |
Becoming a mother has changed me - for the better. I know everyone says that. But I honestly feel like a better person now. I have more patience (not perfect patience, by any stretch of the imagination, but I am much better than I used to be!). I am more tender and loving. I am less of a cynic (though that part of me does remain). I have learned to rely on myself less and on God more - and yes, I know other people learn that without having a baby, but it took a baby to teach me that one. I eat healthier (pregnancy and breastfeeding makes you think about someone other than yourself!). I am greener/crunchier. Everything is just better. And I have my daughter to thank (well, God, really, but you know what I mean!).
C makes me stop my busy-ness and just enjoy the simple things in life. I love seeing things through her eyes. I love watching her experiencing new things, because it makes them new to me again, too. Just the other day, we saw a ladybug and C said it was beautiful. Well, yes it is. I'd just never thought about it.
The most amazing thing to me is how I finally, finally feel like I've found my place in this world - as a mother. If you had told me that just 5 years ago, I would have laughed in your face. But its true.
In high school, most of my friends knew exactly what they wanted to do with their life - nurse, dental hygienist, mechanic, etc. Not me. I didn't even want to go to college, but my parents insisted. I had no clue what I wanted to do or be. As a result, I fumbled through 5 years of college before completing a degree - in Animal Science, of all things. After graduation, I still had no idea what to do with my degree. My first job was working at a hog farm, and that lasted about 2 weeks. Then I got a job at a pathology laboratory at a big turkey company. I hated it (though I was blessed to make some awesome friends there), but I stayed there for 3 years, until the company downsized and I was laid off. I eventually went back to school and got a Master's degree in Business Administration (mainly to please my dad - he's so proud to have a daughter with an advanced degree!). I've been at my current job for 3 years now, and I really like it. I have the best boss ever, and I really do like my work. And I'm good at my job. But I have always felt just a little off, like I'm not quite not where I need to be - in every job I've ever had. (The closest I felt to right was back in college when I managed a horse farm and worked at 2 others - I still miss that!)
1.30.2013
I Was Wrong
Well, C had her 2 year check up appointment yesterday. She's growing right on track and the doctor was very impressed with her skills. And when I told him she's still breastfeeding he said "well, all I can say to that is AMEN!" I love that man. It sure is nice to hear such encouraging words regarding breastfeeding at this age. Most people are shocked that we're still doing it, and not shocked in a good way. Oh well.
He did recommend that we do a repeat renal ultrasound. When she was 10 months she got a nasty UTI, and an ultrasound showed some swelling around her right kidney. We thought it was due to the infection, but the doctor ordered a repeat ultrasound 6 months later. That one showed the swelling was still there. No worse, but no better either, which was puzzling. She did have one more UTI during that time period, though. Knock on wood, she hasn't had one since then. But the doctor wants to do another ultrasound just to check on the kidney. I think he just wants to keep an eye on it, make sure it doens't get worse. I feel like its fine, though.
When I showed him the rash on her bottom, he asked what I was treating it with. I told him everything I've tried. He said "well, that's all good and right for yeast. But this is not yeast. Its eczema." Eczema!! When the rash first popped up, I looked up eczema because it looked like that to me. BUT every website I read said eczema almost always spares the diaper area. So I dismissed that idea. Should have gone with my initial thought!
We've been treating her for yeast for 2 weeks now, trying to DRY it out. Turns out that is the WORST thing to do for eczema. This stuff needs LOTS of moisturization. Its essentially super dry skin that's irritated. I feel so bad that we've treated this all wrong. But the doctor assured me that I had done the right thing and she will be fine. He prescribed a strong hydrocortizone cream. I put it on her twice yesterday and it did start to look a little better. I started slathering her with lotion, too.
Last night she was really itchy, so I gave her children's Benadryl before bed. Thankfully, she slept all night, though she was itchy again when she woke up this morning. I slathered on the prescription cream and some Eucerin lotion and that seemed to help. But my mother-in-law said at lunch that poor C has been itching really bad, and not just on the rash on her butt. She's itching all over. Poor baby. So today I had DH pick her up some children's Zyrtec. We'll try that and hopefully it will give her some relief without making her so sleepy.
I can relate to her itchiness. I have extremely dry skin, too, though I've never had eczema. I had bad allergies as a child (and asthma, which means C probably will too, eventually), and now I'm good except for my skin. I itch all the time. But I never get a rash, so its wierd. Today I am itching like crazy! I don't know if its the weather, or sympathy itching for C (haha - mother's intuition?), or what, but I had to take Benadryl earlier (not that its helped - ugh).
Hopefully we can get this under control and get my baby some relief. If she's not better by tomorrow I'm gonna call the doctor again and see if there's something more he can give her. I hate seeing her like this!!
I'm so bummed that we'll be dealing with this monster now. I know lots of kids outgrow eczema, but some don't. Either way, we'll have to deal with it for years. I just hope we find the right product(s) to help C. And I hope I can figure out what triggered this flare up and avoid it in the future. I'll be spending all my free time now on eczema research. Fun, fun.
On the bright side, at least now we know what we're dealing with, and we have an appropriate attach plan. And all my diapers are super squeaky clean! haha. If any yeast spores were thinking about settling in there, they have definitely been eliminated. Nothing bad could have survived that assault, haha!
12.06.2012
Advent Day 5
Flexibility is the name of the game when you have a toddler. Luckily, I was already easy-going before I had C. She has certainly made me even more so, though! I like to just roll with the flow, ya know? (hehe) Anyway...! I knew when I started Truth In The Tinsel that we wouldn't do all the activities in the book, and I knew C probably wouldn't listen to most of the scripture readings, but that's okay. Exposing her to it is important to me. At some point, its bound to stick in her brain, right?
Last night, she didn't want any part of Advent. I started by asking her to sit with me on the couch while I read to her from the Bible, but after about 5 seconds she was up sayin "I be right back!" Take 2: I laid on my stomach on the floor and asked her to join me. She lasted a little longer in that position, but she still got up, sayin she had to get her Bible. (She has a board book Bible that she absolutely loves.) She brought her Bible back to me, laid down, and proceeded to sing "Jesus Loves Me." How could I argue with that?? So I gave her a quick toddler-speak summary of the scripture for the night. I'm not sure if she actually listened to me, but that's okay.
I'm still planning on going tomorrow to get some craft supplies, so maybe we can actually make some of the cute ornaments in the book!
On a completely unrelated topic...I just had to share this. I am (proudly) still nursing C, and plan to do so until she decides to wean (or before she goes to school...haha). She's not showing any signs of quitting yet! I'll blog more on this topic soon (I'm a huge breastfeeding advocate so I'm really shocked I haven't blogged about it before). But I guess I'm making quite a bit less milk than I used to. She's started asking for both sides lately, and she's never done that in her entire 2 years of life. This week, when she runs out of milk, she pulls back, looks at me and says "Mama, my milk's not workin!" It is so CUTE!! Even DH laughed, and he's not crazy about the fact that she's still breastfeeding. Had to share that adorable tidbit. ( :
This is part of a series of posts about Advent, using the e-book Truth In The Tinsel. Check back here for an updated list of links of my posts.
Last night, she didn't want any part of Advent. I started by asking her to sit with me on the couch while I read to her from the Bible, but after about 5 seconds she was up sayin "I be right back!" Take 2: I laid on my stomach on the floor and asked her to join me. She lasted a little longer in that position, but she still got up, sayin she had to get her Bible. (She has a board book Bible that she absolutely loves.) She brought her Bible back to me, laid down, and proceeded to sing "Jesus Loves Me." How could I argue with that?? So I gave her a quick toddler-speak summary of the scripture for the night. I'm not sure if she actually listened to me, but that's okay.
I'm still planning on going tomorrow to get some craft supplies, so maybe we can actually make some of the cute ornaments in the book!
On a completely unrelated topic...I just had to share this. I am (proudly) still nursing C, and plan to do so until she decides to wean (or before she goes to school...haha). She's not showing any signs of quitting yet! I'll blog more on this topic soon (I'm a huge breastfeeding advocate so I'm really shocked I haven't blogged about it before). But I guess I'm making quite a bit less milk than I used to. She's started asking for both sides lately, and she's never done that in her entire 2 years of life. This week, when she runs out of milk, she pulls back, looks at me and says "Mama, my milk's not workin!" It is so CUTE!! Even DH laughed, and he's not crazy about the fact that she's still breastfeeding. Had to share that adorable tidbit. ( :
This is part of a series of posts about Advent, using the e-book Truth In The Tinsel. Check back here for an updated list of links of my posts.
8.24.2012
High Five for Friday!
Highlights of my week:
1 - I had a follow up appointment with my GI doctor. Actually, his NP-C, but she was very thorough and I loved her. She was surprised I haven't seen any relief yet. When I asked her about my milk allergy, she said milk was probably contributing to my reflux, but it probably wasn't the source of it. She said to continue to eliminate all dairy, though. She also gave me a steroid inhaler to use for 2 months. Apparently, some of my issue is an allergic reaction in my esophagus. The theory is that an inhaler used for asthma symptoms can help. I was willing to try it. Today is day 4 of the inhaler, and I think its helping. I'm still on my other 2 meds for reflux. I can't say I'm symptom free yet, but I'll take any relief I get! I have to go back in 2 months to see how I'm doing. If I'm still having issues, we're gonna run more tests.
2 - Today marks day 10 of being dairy free. I can honestly say its getting easier! I still crave dairy products, especially chocolate. But cooking is getting easier. I still want to try cooking with almond milk or something like that. Maybe I'll attempt that this weekend. I bought myself some expensive dark chocolate that is dairy free. Its much more bitter than I like, but it does satisfy my cravings.
3 - We went to the beach again this past Sunday! This time, me and DH went with my dad and took C out on the boat. She loved it! We couldn't stay long because a really bad storm came up, but we enjoyed it while it lasted.
4 - Last Saturday, I got up super early and drove several hours to the Constitution Party of NC State Convention. To be honest, I was dreading the event. Especially the drive! 8 hours by myself in a car? No thanks. But, it turns out the drive wasn't so bad. And it was only a little over 3 hours instead of the 4 that mapquest said. And I was also pleasantly surprised to find that I enjoyed the convention! We had great speakers and I learned a lot. I don't want to repeat almost 7 hours of driving alone any time soon, but it did give me a chance to think and be quiet for once. ( :
5 - C and I attended the local La Leche Leage (LLL) meeting Monday night. We haven't been since she was around 10 months old. They only meet once a month, and something always came up on meeting nights. I was so glad we went to this one, though. Attendance was low (just us, the leader with her 3 super loud kids, and two other mamas with their 6 month old babies), but we had good discussions. Its always nice to talk to other breastfeeding mamas.
I'd almost like to add a 6th highlight here. I don't have much planned for this weekend! I've got a few projects I'd like to get done around the house, but if they don't happen I won't be upset. I have a riding lesson to teach tomorrow morning, and that's about it. I'm so excited for a relaxing weekend! ( :
1 - I had a follow up appointment with my GI doctor. Actually, his NP-C, but she was very thorough and I loved her. She was surprised I haven't seen any relief yet. When I asked her about my milk allergy, she said milk was probably contributing to my reflux, but it probably wasn't the source of it. She said to continue to eliminate all dairy, though. She also gave me a steroid inhaler to use for 2 months. Apparently, some of my issue is an allergic reaction in my esophagus. The theory is that an inhaler used for asthma symptoms can help. I was willing to try it. Today is day 4 of the inhaler, and I think its helping. I'm still on my other 2 meds for reflux. I can't say I'm symptom free yet, but I'll take any relief I get! I have to go back in 2 months to see how I'm doing. If I'm still having issues, we're gonna run more tests.
2 - Today marks day 10 of being dairy free. I can honestly say its getting easier! I still crave dairy products, especially chocolate. But cooking is getting easier. I still want to try cooking with almond milk or something like that. Maybe I'll attempt that this weekend. I bought myself some expensive dark chocolate that is dairy free. Its much more bitter than I like, but it does satisfy my cravings.
3 - We went to the beach again this past Sunday! This time, me and DH went with my dad and took C out on the boat. She loved it! We couldn't stay long because a really bad storm came up, but we enjoyed it while it lasted.
4 - Last Saturday, I got up super early and drove several hours to the Constitution Party of NC State Convention. To be honest, I was dreading the event. Especially the drive! 8 hours by myself in a car? No thanks. But, it turns out the drive wasn't so bad. And it was only a little over 3 hours instead of the 4 that mapquest said. And I was also pleasantly surprised to find that I enjoyed the convention! We had great speakers and I learned a lot. I don't want to repeat almost 7 hours of driving alone any time soon, but it did give me a chance to think and be quiet for once. ( :
5 - C and I attended the local La Leche Leage (LLL) meeting Monday night. We haven't been since she was around 10 months old. They only meet once a month, and something always came up on meeting nights. I was so glad we went to this one, though. Attendance was low (just us, the leader with her 3 super loud kids, and two other mamas with their 6 month old babies), but we had good discussions. Its always nice to talk to other breastfeeding mamas.
I'd almost like to add a 6th highlight here. I don't have much planned for this weekend! I've got a few projects I'd like to get done around the house, but if they don't happen I won't be upset. I have a riding lesson to teach tomorrow morning, and that's about it. I'm so excited for a relaxing weekend! ( :
8.13.2012
Whoops
I completely forgot about this blog last week. Well, that's not entirely true. I had several ideas for posts, but whenever I thought about actually writing one, it wasn't a good time for me to sit down at a computer. So I'll make up for it this week. ( :
Last week wasn't a great week for me, so even when I tried to think of things for the "High Five for Friday" post, I had a really hard time. There were a few highlights, though...
Last Saturday (not this past one, but the one before that...so confusing), two of my friends came over with their babies for a play date. I love when we get to do that! Its fun for me to reconnect with my friends, and I think its good for C to have interaction with other babies. She's great with adults, but since my in-laws keep her, she's hardly ever around other kids. I want her to have friends! And she does. One of the babies is 4 months to the day younger than C, and the other is 10 months younger. So the youngest one doesn't actually play, but C gets a kick out of him, and he's such a sweetie! The other baby, a girl, has just started walking, and C thinks that is fabulous. The girls don't play like I thought they would, but they kind of watch each other play and then take things from each other...apparently, sharing is not a skill they have mastered at this age! But its cute to see them together. ( :
Last Tuesday, the hospital kicked off their new Live Well series with a program on breastfeeding! I was so stoked to hear the news. Actually, DH was the first to tell me about it. Well, he told me he heard the hospital hired a full-time lactation consultant, which is absolutely wonderful news. I looked her up and found out she was having this program, so I signed up to go. Obviously, after breastfeeding a baby for the past 19 months I don't need to hear the benefits of breastfeeding (which was the topic), but I thought it would be good to go and support the effort. My friend with the girl baby went with me. Unfortunately, there were only two expecting couples attending, which was kind of a disappointment. But we hung around after the program and got to know the lactaction consultant. She is great. She's currently breastfeeding her baby, who is 14 months I believe.
Our hospital is finally making strides to be "baby friendly." Basically, that means they completely support breastfeeding. There are a host of things a baby friendly hospital does to accomplish that, and it starts during labor and delivery. Just having a full-time lactaction consultant on board is a huge step towards that goal. When I had C in that hospital, the nurse who helped deliver her was very helpful with breastfeeding. She showed me right away how to get C latched and how to hold her, and even showed DH some things to do to help me out. Once we were moved to our room, the nurses were pretty helpful if I had any issues, but no one actively tried to help me. Thankfully, I didn't need any help, but if I was having trouble, I'm not sure I would have taken the initiative to ask for assistance (I didn't know better then). Also, the nurses in the nursery really pushed formula on me. I knew I wanted to exclusively breastfeed, but I didn't know a lot of things I do now, and I didn't know then that introducing formula can really harm the breastfeeding relationship in the beginning. (Thankfully, it didn't for us.)
C was jaundiced and had to stay under the bili lights all the time for a few days. The nurses brought her to me to breastfeed every 2 hours or so, but they told me she also needed formula so she could stay under the lights longer. Plus, they said, the formula would help the jaundice go away quicker. Since I didn't know any better, I agreed with whatever they suggested. (They also recommended pacifiers when C wasn't with me!) Looking back, I'm amazed that I didn't have any problems during that time, because we did everything possible to NOT be able to breastfeed. (Later, when my head cleared and I was back in my normal research everything mode, I read a TON on jaundice and the breastfeed baby. I could have nursed her in the nursery under a bili blanket. Or not, a few minutes without the lights wouldn't have made a difference to her. And breastmilk actually is better to help wtih jaundice than formula. (Duh. Breastmilk is better than formula for everything.). The point is, she didn't need any of that formula, or the paci, and she didn't need to spend so much time away from me in those fragile early days. I know the nurses were just doing their jobs and going along with hospital policy, and I know they had my baby's health in mind, but I still wish things were done much differently.)
Since the hospital is striving to become baby friendly, all of those practices are changing. They don't offer pacis anymore, I'm told. They do what they can to support and encourage breastfeeding. AND they don't pass out formula sample bags anymore! That is a huge deal. When we left the hospital, I had a huge stash of formula they gave me. I took it home to have "just in case." I kept it for weeks. I wanted to have a backup in case something went wrong. In fact, the first time DH and I left C for more than an hour, I sent several bags of my pumped milk and several bottles of formula, "just in case." I now know how easy it would have been for me to substitute formula at the first problem. And that would have ruined breastfeeding for us, just like it has for so many women and their babies. Because when your baby is hungry and you're having a problem breastfeeding her, you just want to make sure she's fed and happy, so if you have to use formula, so be it. I get it. I never got to that point, but I understand. If hospitals don't give you bags of formula and its not there tempting you, you're more likely to push through any problems that arise with breastfeeding. I've seen it.
So, I'm really happy that the hospital is making this move! I'm not sure when they're planning on doing any more programs on breastfeeding, but I intend to attend them all and show my support. I'd love to get involved. Which reminds me, I need to start back going to the LLL (La Leche League) meetings this month. I want to do my part to support and advocate breastfeeding! ( :
Last week wasn't a great week for me, so even when I tried to think of things for the "High Five for Friday" post, I had a really hard time. There were a few highlights, though...
Last Saturday (not this past one, but the one before that...so confusing), two of my friends came over with their babies for a play date. I love when we get to do that! Its fun for me to reconnect with my friends, and I think its good for C to have interaction with other babies. She's great with adults, but since my in-laws keep her, she's hardly ever around other kids. I want her to have friends! And she does. One of the babies is 4 months to the day younger than C, and the other is 10 months younger. So the youngest one doesn't actually play, but C gets a kick out of him, and he's such a sweetie! The other baby, a girl, has just started walking, and C thinks that is fabulous. The girls don't play like I thought they would, but they kind of watch each other play and then take things from each other...apparently, sharing is not a skill they have mastered at this age! But its cute to see them together. ( :
Last Tuesday, the hospital kicked off their new Live Well series with a program on breastfeeding! I was so stoked to hear the news. Actually, DH was the first to tell me about it. Well, he told me he heard the hospital hired a full-time lactation consultant, which is absolutely wonderful news. I looked her up and found out she was having this program, so I signed up to go. Obviously, after breastfeeding a baby for the past 19 months I don't need to hear the benefits of breastfeeding (which was the topic), but I thought it would be good to go and support the effort. My friend with the girl baby went with me. Unfortunately, there were only two expecting couples attending, which was kind of a disappointment. But we hung around after the program and got to know the lactaction consultant. She is great. She's currently breastfeeding her baby, who is 14 months I believe.
Our hospital is finally making strides to be "baby friendly." Basically, that means they completely support breastfeeding. There are a host of things a baby friendly hospital does to accomplish that, and it starts during labor and delivery. Just having a full-time lactaction consultant on board is a huge step towards that goal. When I had C in that hospital, the nurse who helped deliver her was very helpful with breastfeeding. She showed me right away how to get C latched and how to hold her, and even showed DH some things to do to help me out. Once we were moved to our room, the nurses were pretty helpful if I had any issues, but no one actively tried to help me. Thankfully, I didn't need any help, but if I was having trouble, I'm not sure I would have taken the initiative to ask for assistance (I didn't know better then). Also, the nurses in the nursery really pushed formula on me. I knew I wanted to exclusively breastfeed, but I didn't know a lot of things I do now, and I didn't know then that introducing formula can really harm the breastfeeding relationship in the beginning. (Thankfully, it didn't for us.)
C was jaundiced and had to stay under the bili lights all the time for a few days. The nurses brought her to me to breastfeed every 2 hours or so, but they told me she also needed formula so she could stay under the lights longer. Plus, they said, the formula would help the jaundice go away quicker. Since I didn't know any better, I agreed with whatever they suggested. (They also recommended pacifiers when C wasn't with me!) Looking back, I'm amazed that I didn't have any problems during that time, because we did everything possible to NOT be able to breastfeed. (Later, when my head cleared and I was back in my normal research everything mode, I read a TON on jaundice and the breastfeed baby. I could have nursed her in the nursery under a bili blanket. Or not, a few minutes without the lights wouldn't have made a difference to her. And breastmilk actually is better to help wtih jaundice than formula. (Duh. Breastmilk is better than formula for everything.). The point is, she didn't need any of that formula, or the paci, and she didn't need to spend so much time away from me in those fragile early days. I know the nurses were just doing their jobs and going along with hospital policy, and I know they had my baby's health in mind, but I still wish things were done much differently.)
Since the hospital is striving to become baby friendly, all of those practices are changing. They don't offer pacis anymore, I'm told. They do what they can to support and encourage breastfeeding. AND they don't pass out formula sample bags anymore! That is a huge deal. When we left the hospital, I had a huge stash of formula they gave me. I took it home to have "just in case." I kept it for weeks. I wanted to have a backup in case something went wrong. In fact, the first time DH and I left C for more than an hour, I sent several bags of my pumped milk and several bottles of formula, "just in case." I now know how easy it would have been for me to substitute formula at the first problem. And that would have ruined breastfeeding for us, just like it has for so many women and their babies. Because when your baby is hungry and you're having a problem breastfeeding her, you just want to make sure she's fed and happy, so if you have to use formula, so be it. I get it. I never got to that point, but I understand. If hospitals don't give you bags of formula and its not there tempting you, you're more likely to push through any problems that arise with breastfeeding. I've seen it.
So, I'm really happy that the hospital is making this move! I'm not sure when they're planning on doing any more programs on breastfeeding, but I intend to attend them all and show my support. I'd love to get involved. Which reminds me, I need to start back going to the LLL (La Leche League) meetings this month. I want to do my part to support and advocate breastfeeding! ( :
7.14.2012
Hello and welcome!
Hey ya'll! I'm Nikki. Being an obsessive blog reader for quite some time now (we won't go into details about just how obsessive I am...!), I decided it was high time I started my own blog. (I've actually had one for years, but its become more of a diary of sorts, so its terribly boring to everyone but me.) Here, you'll find a wide mix of topics, including country life, crunchy living (more on that later), food, cleaning, health/beauty, parenting, and much more - basically, whatever interests me. ( :
To start, here's a little background info on me. I live in a very rural area of North Carolina, born and raised here. I got married back in 2009 to my sweetheart, who would probably prefer to remain anonymous for now. We had our first child in 2010, and she is currently 19 months old (my, how time flies!!). The husband and I both work full-time, and I am blessed with a good mother-in-law who keeps my daughter. We live on a farm of sorts. We have horses, cows, chickens, ducks, and rabbits. And the standard dogs and cats. And a garden. The husband does a little crop farming on the side, and he runs a side business as well (yeah, he stays busy!). I sell Mary Kay on the side, too, though I'm not very successful at it, if truth be told. Oh, and I teach horseback riding lessons, as well.
Having a baby completely changed me. I know lots of people say that, but I can honestly say that every aspect of my life has changed (in a good way) since she's been born. I've learned so much about myself, my marriage, and life. I've become crunchy. (Like I said, more on that later!) I've become so many things I never dreamed I'd be, but I love it. I certainly don't claim to have it all figured out, but I invite you to join me on my journey to learn more. I'm constantly learning ways to be "green," save money, be a better mother, be a better wife, and be a godly woman. (Yep, I'm a Christian.) Its taken me a long time to realize I needed to make some changes in my life, but now I've jumped in with both feet and I'm lovin it! God's got an awesome plan for me, and I'm doing my best to be what He wants me to be.
Stick around, you might learn somethin useful with me along the way. At any rate, you're sure to be entertained! ( :
To start, here's a little background info on me. I live in a very rural area of North Carolina, born and raised here. I got married back in 2009 to my sweetheart, who would probably prefer to remain anonymous for now. We had our first child in 2010, and she is currently 19 months old (my, how time flies!!). The husband and I both work full-time, and I am blessed with a good mother-in-law who keeps my daughter. We live on a farm of sorts. We have horses, cows, chickens, ducks, and rabbits. And the standard dogs and cats. And a garden. The husband does a little crop farming on the side, and he runs a side business as well (yeah, he stays busy!). I sell Mary Kay on the side, too, though I'm not very successful at it, if truth be told. Oh, and I teach horseback riding lessons, as well.
Having a baby completely changed me. I know lots of people say that, but I can honestly say that every aspect of my life has changed (in a good way) since she's been born. I've learned so much about myself, my marriage, and life. I've become crunchy. (Like I said, more on that later!) I've become so many things I never dreamed I'd be, but I love it. I certainly don't claim to have it all figured out, but I invite you to join me on my journey to learn more. I'm constantly learning ways to be "green," save money, be a better mother, be a better wife, and be a godly woman. (Yep, I'm a Christian.) Its taken me a long time to realize I needed to make some changes in my life, but now I've jumped in with both feet and I'm lovin it! God's got an awesome plan for me, and I'm doing my best to be what He wants me to be.
Stick around, you might learn somethin useful with me along the way. At any rate, you're sure to be entertained! ( :
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