The Gift

I figured I'd do an updated post on my ring situation. To refresh your memory, I lost my engagement ring several weeks ago. I filed a police report so that if anyone tried to pawn it, the police would be able to get it. I placed an ad in the local paper that ran for a week. And nothing worked out. Its still possible that someone will try to pawn it, but I'm betting that it was never found.

I'm still kicking myself for losing my ring. I mean, really, how irresponsible was that move? :( But what's done is done, and there's no sense in dwelling on it. My dear husband wasn't nearly as mad as I thought he'd be, bless his soul. He said at first that I wouldn't be getting a new ring, and I totally understood and told him that I agreed. I didn't want just any ring; I wanted my ring! Yes, my ring was pretty, but it wasn't just the diamond that I cherished. That ring reminded me every time I looked at it of our love, of the night he proposed to me, and of how much we've been through together.

But you know what? I realized I didn't need a piece of jewelry to remind me of those things. The memories are still there. In fact, one of our favorite things to talk about as a couple is the story of how we met and got together, and then I love to tell about the night he proposed.

The point is, even though I was (and am) still upset about losing my ring, I was totally okay with not having a new one. I mean, I still had my wedding band, and that's really the important one, right? Since it shows the world that you are married/taken.

Well, that wasn't good enough for my husband! I think I've said before that he's a great gift-giver. In fact, gift-giving is part of his love language, I've learned; he doesn't like to receive gifts much but he loves to give them as an expression of his love. Gift-giving is not in my love language at all, and I am not one to demand expensive jewelry from my man, but I know how to appreciate beautiful jewelry! And I know how to be thankful for anything he gives me, since I know his motivation. Luckily for me, he makes it easy to love his gifts. I don't think he's ever given me anything that I didn't love. Lately, he's been on a jewelry kick. For the past several holidays, he's really piled the bling on me, haha.

So this year, my birthday and Mother's Day fell on the same day. Everyone told me DH probably had bought me a new ring, but I had told him several times not to do that. I honestly thought he listened to me. I had asked for some smaller (and less expensive) things for him to get me, so that's what I expected. He fooled me! The night before my birthday, I could tell he couldn't stand it any longer. He'd been trying for several days to make me open my present, but I kept saying no. I finally gave in and told him to let me have it.

I was pretty surprised to see a gorgeous new ring in that box! The new ring looks exactly like my old one, except its bigger. The old one was 3/4 karat and the new one is a whole karat. I've been wearing it since then and it still feels huge on my finger, haha.

Ain't it pretty? Its the same size as my wedding band, which is too big for my ring finger. I'm actually gonna try to go today and get it sized down a little.

My husband is too good to me, for real. I've been joking since my birthday that I wonder what other diamond I could lose to get a bigger one! But of course I would never intentionally "lose" any of my jewelry.

That whole weekend was just great. I wondered how I'd feel about turning 30. But as I suspected, it didn't bother me at all. I don't feel any older, and I'm not sad to not be a 20-something anymore. I'm truly happy with myself and my life right now, so why should I mourn getting older? Especially when so many people will never see 30. I'm grateful and happy. ( :

However, this does remind me! I am not happy with a certain Amazon seller right now. I had picked out a tripod kit for my camera on Amazon back in April, and asked DH to get it for my birthday/Mother's Day. It was around $30 and he said for me to order it since he doesn't have an Amazon account. I placed the order and had it shipped to his work so I wouldn't be tempted to open the box when it came in. Well, I tracked the package every day and on the delivery say, UPS updated the page to say it was being returned to the sender due to an incorrect address. What?! I used the address on the USPS website. I contacted the seller and he/she assured me that it would be sent again as soon as they got it back (in California). Well, its been almost a month and supposedly the seller doesn't have the package yet. I don't quite believe this, but I'm not sure what to do. My credit card has been charged and I have demanded a refund, though I haven't been issued one yet. I'm gonna contact the seller again today and see what happens. I guess my next step is to report it to Amazon? I'm not sure. I've never had this happen before. But this is exactly why I'm always hesitant to purchase anything online. :/

Anyway, I'm at the start of a 3 day weekend and I am ecstatic to have an extra day off work. I desperately need a vacation. We're not going anywhere this weekend, but it'll still feel like a mini-vacation just being able to stay home so long. Every weekend for a while now we've had a zillion things to go and places to be, so I am really gonna enjoy not having to leave the house unless I just want to. ( :

One of my college friends is on her way to spend the day with me and C, actually. I'm lookin forward to spending some time with her. I was her matron of honor when she got married and I was 7 months pregnant, and I've only seen her once since then! After she got married and finished dental school, she moved a few hours away, so its been hard for us to get together, though we've stayed in touch. I'm not sure what we'll do today, but if I can get someone to watch C I bet we'll hop on the horses for a bit! Here's to a relaxing, enjoyable weekend!! ( :

Being A Help Meet For Your Husband: Initial Thoughts

In January I was introduced to a book that turned out to be life-changing for me. I've mentioned it several times since then, but haven't felt quite ready to really talk about it yet. I plan to read the book again, but haven't made the time to do it yet, though I think about it almost daily - that's how much of an impact its made on me!

The book is called Created To Be His Help Meet: Discover How God Can Make Your Marriage Glorious by Debi Pearl. I bought it for my Kindle, but you can get it in paper form, as well. One of the many blogs I follow, Baby Chaser, posted at the beginning of this year about how she enjoys mentoring other couples in their marriages. In her post, she talked about how she mentored a friend and gave her this book to read. This blogger is always going on about her "Beloved" (her husband) and how she's always bending over backwards (it seems to me) to please him. I really enjoy her blog and have always thought she had some great ideas. But all this "Beloved" talk was so strange to me. Even though I thought her ideas towards marriage were old-fashioned/impractical/what-have-you, something about that one post called to me. I firmly believe that God speaks to us in all sorts of manners, and I do believe that He uses technology these days! My point is, I felt like God was pointing me to that particular post, which talked about this particular book. Like He was telling me to read this book.

I'll admit, I was very skeptical at first. I'm human; I'm hesitant to really open myself up to Him and let Him in. Sometimes He has to almost hit me over the head with something and make me listen. I downloaded a free sample to my Kindle and didn't touch it for several days. Okay, God, its on my Kindle, I'll get to it eventually. See? I did it. But that wasn't good enough for Him. He kept putting his on my heart and on my mind, so finally I gave in and started reading. I was hooked from the Table of Contents. Seriously. I could tell just by glancing at chapter titles that this was a book HE wanted me to read, and read NOW.

Here's a sample of chapter titles: "So He Isn't Mr. Right;" "The Queen of His Heart;" "Make Love Fun;" "God's Blueprint for Marriage;" "Practice Makes 'Awful' Perfectly Awful;" "Three Kinds of Men;" "God Made Them That Way;" "Marriage Made in Heaven;" "Eve Has Many Sisters;" "How To Be A Good Wife Today;" "I'm About To Have A Nervous Breakdown;" "Raising Cows or Kids;" "The Wife Does Make a Difference;" "Is There Hope Yet?" Get the idea? This book covers a lot of topics and issues. As I was reading, I kept coming up with questions, and Mrs. Pearl answered all my questions before the book was over.

Before I go any further, let me just say that I have been praying for a really long time for God to work in my marriage. I love my dear husband with all my heart, but I knew our marriage was not where it needed to be. I prayed and prayed for God to change it, to change me. I didn't know exactly what I was praying for, I just knew things needed to be different. I knew that somehow, God wanted more for us. (My marriage is still not there yet, and I know that it will be a constant work-in-progress, just like anything worth having in life. But it is better by leaps and bounds, I will tell you!)

I will also say that my husband is a good man. He does not abuse me, he would never cheat on me, he does not watch pornography or do anything else that is morally wrong. He loves me and he loves our daughter, and I know he'd lay down his life for either of us. He's a good man, plain and simple. So its not like I started reading this book hoping for help with dealing with an abusive mate or needing to know how to love him even though he loves porn. I feel for women out there who are dealing with situations like that. My marriage is just a typical marriage, we have typical, normal problems, but nothing that is a "deal breaker."

We love each other, but for a few years now I've felt like I wasn't doing quite enough in my role as wife. There was something out there that was just beyond my reach. I didn't even know what it was, I just knew it was out there. I know now that was God talking to me. He has been (and still is) patiently guiding me to where I need to be. (I'm sure now He's like whew! Finally! She's on the right track! haha)

Before DH and I got married, we were required to attend some premarital counseling with both our preachers (they both married us). I remember we went to those sessions thinking what a waste of time it was. Obviously, we knew each other pretty well, or we wouldn't be getting married! We each knew where the other stood on the important issues, and even most of the unimportant ones. I wish now we had really taken that opportunity to learn more about what it really means to be married. Our counseling sessions didn't turn up anything that was alarming to either of us. The preachers did try to make sure we knew what we were getting into, but we just nodded and smiled and thought that nothing would ever happen to us, we loved each other and that was enough. I'm sure lots of couples go into marriage thinking that.

Photo from our wedding day. EL Photography

 But marriage is hard. If you want to be successful at it, you have to work at it every single day. Its easy to be stubborn and selfish and unloving, and do things your way and pay no regard to your spouse's feelings. That's human nature. Its my nature, at least. I was always told to guard my heart, make sure my spouse loved me more than I loved him because you just never know what can happen. But that is wrong. That's not what God wants for us in marriage at all. Marriage is a constant give and take, and in a marriage both spouses should be equals. And ultimately (and this was the life-changing part for me, because I had never thought about it this way), marriages should glorify God.

So let's get back to the book. Mrs. Pearl reminds us of what the Bible says in Genesis 2:18, 21-22:

"And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him... And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam... and he took one of his ribs... And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man." 

Right there, God tells us women that we are to be help meets for our husbands. Exactly what that phrase means is the question, and we'll get to that. I love how God tells us that he made woman from Adam's rib - a part of his body that is at his side. Woman wasn't made from something on Adam's back, so she would stand behind him, or something from his front, so she would stand ahead of him. Woman was created to walk by man's side, to be his equal. God didn't want Adam to be alone, he wanted him to have a partner to walk this earth with, someone to help him. Proverbs 18:22 says, "Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord." 

All these great verses in scripture have been right there for me my whole life, but no one has ever put them all together and explained them to me in a way that it clicked with me.

"For the man is not of the woman; but the woman of the man. Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man." (1 Corinthians 11:8-9) God wants a wife to be a helper for her husband, plain and simple. Not the other way around. I know what you're thinking, because I thought the same thing: so I'm supposed to bow down to my husband and let him reign over me??! Nope, we'll get to that in a minute. God also made sure to tell husbands how they should treat their wives. And while we're talking about our husbands, I bet you're also thinking "does my husband deserve for me to treat him like a King?! No, he probably doesn't. Christ died for our sins; did any of us deserve for him to do that for us??! NO! We don't deserve anything He has given to us, not a thing. My husband is a sinner, just like me. It doesn't matter that he doesn't deserve for me to treat him with respect or be submissive to him, because its my calling to do so. This is what I was created for: to be my husband's helper (just as he was created to be a helper for the Lord).

I don't know about you, but to me this was pretty mind-blowing.

As my preacher says, but let's look further! ( :

God has given us a blueprint for marriage, as Mrs. Pearl says in the book. Check out these verses:

"Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the savior of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything." (Ephesians 5:22-24). 

"Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord." (Colossians 3:18)

"But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God." (1 Corinthians 11:3)

"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her... He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does for the church. ...each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband." (Ephesians 25, 28, 29, 33)

So yes, we as wives are called to submit to our husbands, but husbands are also to love their wives just as Christ loves the church. That's a pretty amazing love. Think of what Christ did for His church. He gave us everything. Husbands are supposed to love their wives with that kind of love. Not because we deserve to be loved like that (because we don't), but because that's what God meant for husbands to do. Just like he meant for us wives to submit to our husbands. See what I mean about marriage being a give and take? You can't just expect your husband to "give himself up for you" if you're not also submitting to him. Its a two-way street.

Mrs. Pearl does a much better job of explaining all this in her book, so I would encourage everyone to go buy it and read it. I am not affiliated with her ministry in any way, and I get nothing if you purchase her book. But it has had such an impact on me that I can't help but tell others about it.

Here's another point that Mrs. Pearl made that really impacted me: when we honor our husbands and submit to them (and basically just be the woman and wife that God made us to be), we are honoring God as well. I have never thought about it like that. Conversely, if we are not honoring our husbands and not being submissive, we are dishonoring God. Woah. That is not what I want at all! I want to honor God in all that I do.

So for me, even though it goes against everything I've heard my entire life, even if its incredibly hard for me to be submissive and respectful, I will strive to be that woman, just so I can honor God. I want to be a Proverbs 31 woman (see Proverbs 31:10-31). And I know that I may not ever be rewarded for my efforts in this life. That's okay, because I know God will reward me in Heaven, and that's all that matters. I was put on this life for a purpose, and my purpose is to bring honor to my God (that's everyone's purpose!). Being my husband's help meet brings honor to God, so I have to strive to be that.

I have tons more to say on this topic, but I am going to close this post now so that it doesn't get too long. I would love to hear your ideas and thoughts on this topic of being a help meet to your husband! Is your initial reaction just like mine was? Is this idea nothing new to you? Are you going to read the book, and if you have read it, was it as life-changing for you as it was for me? I think I'll turn this into a series of sort on my blog, since it is something I could go on and on about. So stay tuned for Part 2, where I'll get more into exactly what being a help meet means. This is gonna turn into a full-fledged study of Mrs. Pearl's book! ( :

Belated Valentine's Day Post

Yes, I am inundating my blog today with posts. I post when I can! Today I've had a lot to say. I've also had more viewers today than I've ever had, which is really exciting! I'd love more comments, ya'll. ( :

Some of the blogs I follow did posts on Valentine's Day last week. Most of them talked about how they decorated their house for the holiday. One blogger said she didn't do much decorating since its only one day. That was such a funny comment to me; all holidays are only one day, and we make a big deal out of some of them. ( :  Well, I don't do any decorating at all for Valentine's Day. The only holiday I decorate the house for is Christmas. Well, I decorate for fall, too, but that's not a holiday.

This post obviously won't be about my Valentine's decorations. I did make Valentines with C, but we only made 3 (one for her daddy, and one for each set of her grandparents). I just cut out big red hearts and had her put her hand prints on them in white paint. They turned out really cute! I figure in a few years she'll have plenty of friends and then we can break out the big-guns for crafting, haha.

What I wanted to talk about in this post is my sweet, sweet husband. I have never made a big deal out of this holiday, and never expected my significant other to do anything special for me. DH normally doesn't do more than chocolates, a card, and flowers, which is more than enough for me. Our anniversary is a week after Valentine's Day (February 21 - this Thursday!!), so since we got married we definitely haven't done too much for this holiday. We take a trip every year for our anniversary. This year, we decided not to do anything for Valentine's and just save our money for the trip (which we'll be taking next month).

So I got DH a really sweet card. And that's it.

I had planned to get up early that morning to cook him breakfast (he leaves for work much earlier than me), but C was getting sick and I was up most of the night with her, and couldn't bring myself to get up earlier than I absolutely had to. DH understood. But he surprised me by cooking ME breakfast! He normally wakes me up right before he leaves, just to tell me goodbye. (I have tried to make myself get up every morning with him, so we can spend extra time together, but I am NOT a morning person and when I tried I was just cranky all day, so now I just sleep until I have to get up, which is later than him.) Anyway, he cooked me bacon, eggs, and grits, which was wonderful since I usually just have toast before work.

This was also waiting for me:

 

 That card was really sweet. I was tickled to death! Later that day, the florist delivered a gorgeous bouquet of flowers to me at work. I'm not big on roses, and my favorite flowers are daisies, so that's why we have the weird mix here:

At this point I was feeling somewhat guilty that I didn't get DH anything except a dinky card. But, come on, we had agreed not to do presents!!

Then he called me after lunch to tell me he had another surprise for me. Argh! I had no idea what to expect. My man loves to give gifts, and he can be extravagant sometimes. But since we're supposed to be saving our money for the trip, I figured he'd bought me "Breaking Dawn: Part II" on DVD. Or something else in that price range. Something sweet or cute.

I should have known he'd go for extravagant!! When we got home from work, he presented me with another box of chocolates and some long-stemmed roses.

Now, I'm not big on roses, but these were gorgeous. THEN he handed me a small box with the tell-tale wrapping of our local jewelry store. (I know this wrapping well since he got me several pieces of jewelry for Christmas. Yes, my man spoils me, and no, I never ask for any of this!) Inside was an absolutely beautiful heart necklace:

It has white and chocolate diamonds. sigh. Its so sparkly. I love it, of course, but can you imagine how guilty I felt for not getting him anything??! He wasn't mad at all, though. That's just how he is. He loves to give gifts, and truly doesn't expect anything in return. Of course I put the necklace on and haven't taken it off since. ( :

Some people say men use Valentine's Day to give their wife something sweet and make up for the rest of the year, when he's not sweet or loving. I know that some men do that. But not my man. He typically only buys me stuff like this on holidays or special occasions (like our anniversary), but he does sweet things for me all the time. He just likes to go all out when he gets the chance!

The thing is, he knows I don't expect anything extravagant like this necklace. He knows I don't even have to get flowers delivered at work. I do like cards, and I've told him that enough that he knows that, haha! He just buys me nice things because I don't expect them. For Christmas he got me a sterling silver chain and charm, a gold chain, and 2 gold charms. Way more than he should have. I think he likes to shock me! (For the record, he doesn't go with jewelry for every occasion. He's pretty creative with gifts.)

I know that giving gifts is part of his love language. Its not mine, but I can sure appreciate it. What's interesting to me is that while he likes to give gifts, he's not much on receiving them. He's appreciative if he gets a gift, but it doesn't bring him as much pleasure as watching me or someone else open something from him. He likes love to be shown to him by doing acts of service - keeping his clothes washed, keeping the house clean, doing little extra things to help him, etc. Which works great, since those are the things I excel at. (For the record, my love language is quality time. When my man spends time with me, that says so much to my heart!)

My marriage is not perfect by any means. But I know how blessed I am. I pray that God continues to bless my marriage and make it continually stronger. I'm happy to report that on Thursday we'll have been married for 4 years! I know that's not very long, but considering not long before I met him, I wasn't sure I ever wanted to be married, this is a pretty big deal. ( :

And I did buy him a small gift, even though I said I wasn't! haha ( :